Jan. 29th, 2009

raybear: (Default)
I've been awake since about 5:30, mostly because I went to be early. Now its 8 am and I want to go back to sleep to avoid the panic. I have to return a movie, mail a check, I should go to the gym to help release some of the anxiety, these are my only obligations for today, and all of these tasks feel a bit daunting, but I will do some bargaining with myself and make it happen.

Mostly I'm doing okay, but then I check my e-mail and there's a news headline about the record number of people filing for unemployment and I think, hey, that was me yesterday! And I read it and I feel a little bit like vomiting. Yesterday I was angry about it, angry at the law firm for throwing me to the metaphoric wolves of this economy so that they could save themselves, and when I think about the possibility of them ever calling me up and seeing if I want to return, I want to tell them very badly to go fck themselves because they sold me off before, why wouldn't they do it again? I know its not really that personal, and I've never really been one to buy into the whole job/corporation-is-your-family even remotely, but it is a little bit like when you breakup with someone and in the initial conversation you say "maybe someday in the future we can be together again" and a week later you're like, wtf? No way am I ever getting in bed with that person again.

Yesterday morning I ventured to the unemployment office. It took about two hours total, which was on the low end of what I was expecting. There are ways to file online, but not if you use a mac and even if you do file online, you have to go in person anyway to receive a speech and have your identity verified and sometimes they don't even have a record of you filing online so you have to do the paperwork again in person, so really, just go in person. There's a secret office on Diversey near Cicero that is less busy, and it was also mentioned that Thursday after 2 pm was a really good time to show up. It is a depressing place, though there was something powerful about sitting in it all together, and not powerful bad, which I feared, but more like a silent camaraderie. The gentleman who gave our group the speech and conducted my 'interview' reminded me of my dad, and of my dad's friends, he had a southern accent and told us to get the kids to help us print from the internet. He also whispered to me illegal tips about freelance income and shook my hand when I left. It made me feel hopeful. So my brain memory tells me. Right now I just feel sleepy.
raybear: (Default)
In my quest for a nomination for the Best Uncle of the Year, I went with [livejournal.com profile] cocolola and IX to the hospital for a blood draw today. The children's hospital lobby feels like the children's museum, but the basement feels pretty much exactly like a basement, even if there is a mcdonald's down a corridor. (How wrong is it to have this fast food establishment in a children's hospital?!?) The little lobby for the laboratory was more cheery, has a giant tv and some toys and mini-chairs, but the draw rooms are right there, just behind a door. There was a 2-3 year old girl there, who I first noticed because of her super stylish and cute outift, who went in for a blood draw and she was not having a good time. It was a pretty intense scream muffled, so I'm sure inside the room it was even more so, and I felt very sad for her. As soon as the door opened, she came out clutching her stickers, face still gooey from tears, and immediately stood at the mini-table where I was sitting in a mini-chair that announced to mommy that she wanted to color. Her mom was like, no, we can leave now, we don't have to stay, let's go get some food. But she kept insisting she needed to color right then, and pulled her book out of the stroller and opened it to the page she wanted. I really loved that she was so clear about what she wanted to do to feel better after the trauma of the needle pricks, and communicated it so clearly. Her mother was just sort of incredulous and gently gathered her up and left, but that made me sad, I was wishing she could have sat there for a few minutes first and colored. After they left, I was alone in the lobby and then I could hear IX making similar sad sounds. Coco came out looking equally teary from the experience. And then they had to do it a second time! It was all very sad in that way that makes your heart ache. Especially given that the method for getting baby's blood is to prick their heel then squeeze it out. (Sorry, if you're squeamish, I didn't expect to just go there, it just came out.)

Afterwards, we got lunch takeout from America's Dogs and I got an all-natural hot dog which tasted good, but was gray. I mean, this makes sense -- its all natural, all beef, and beef is gray when cooked, like hamburgers, etc. But still, it weirded me out. I just looked up at the ceiling the whole time I ate it. Which really was only about 45 seconds, I was quite hungry.

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