Feb. 4th, 2009

raybear: (Default)
Its Day 3 of the six week [livejournal.com profile] raybear Writing and Travel Fellowship that I awarded myself. Weeks one and two are writing. Week two also features a visit from Ragdale spouses in town for the AWP conference. Week three is Miami with [livejournal.com profile] dommeyourass. Week four is writing. Week five is driving to Atlanta/Athens to see [livejournal.com profile] sorting_laundry. Week six is flying to southern california to see [livejournal.com profile] anjiyama and [livejournal.com profile] wearemany and others. Then I come back and apply hardcore for jobs. I will still have one final severance paycheck to receive, plus unemployment will have started and I just plan on saving all of those checks for the six weeks I'm traveling and etc.

I thought maybe I had a lot to say about this, but I don't. I'm just excited! For all of it! The vacations! The writing dates! The people! The potential psychological trauma of the return to my hometown for the first time in eight years, for which I purchased a camcorder and digital recorder to document the entire experience for later creative use! These shiny new items just got mailed today and I can't wait to play with them! (I don't know if I'll see my parents. I haven't decided that yet, though I'm leaning towards no. At least until I sober-drunk-dial them and ask to meet for lunch.)

I am surprisedly busy for an unemployed person. I still have all my usual appointments of therapy and harmonica lessons at Old Town and volunteer work at the temple. But then I added social engagements with people, particularly the novel concept of dinner on a weekday night. Today there was also food shopping. I still need to go to fed ex and the bank, but its one of those arctic cold weeks in Chicago and going outside briefly chills my bones so thoroughly, I feel I don't fully get warmed up for hours afterward. Speaking of, I think I might take a hot bath after typing this. I still have my moments of staring at walls or moping, panic and anxiety about the next steps, and there's this really, really loud freak-out voice in my head going at all times, yelling at me for spending any money on anything, saying that these are dumb ideas, why am I gallavanting around, don't you know this is a recession, you're not saying I should take a walk, do you? Oops, sorry, that's a line from a poem. Anyway, that voice is not always easy to live with but I'm figuring it out. Perhaps the economy will tank further and society will sink down lower and then everyone will be in the same boat anyway, so might as well not postpone joy!

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