Jun. 15th, 2009

raybear: (Default)
This morning I thought, while fussing with the cat food dishes and water bowl, that maybe this is the first day where sadness hasn’t been the primary dominating emotion. The fresh start of Monday morning hasn’t felt this good in awhile, I woke up at 6 am, unintentionally but naturally, I dozed a bit longer, but by 6:30 I had the laptop open and worked on my two reviews to send off. Then I called into unemployment and handled some other bill-type items on my to-do list and then it was only 9 am and I got to eat frozen Belgian waffles and watch morning television, which always starts off as a treat, but by 10:30 it starts to suck the life out of me and make me feel a little miserable, even if I am only half-paying attention while facebooking and playing word games and reading livejournal and whatnot. I need to set an alarm, I think, to remind myself of this fact. I have also been awake for nearly 5 hours and have not been compelled to consume something to take the edge off, whether that something be herbal, prescription, liquid, whatever. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take something soon, probably within the hours, but still, this is progress since most of the past week I have not wanted my neurochemicals to be bouncing around alone in my brain, they could not be trusted to their own devices without a guide. Now I’m feeling a bit better about letting myself have the reins. Other people get all dissociative like this, right? Or maybe just people who’ve had lots of therapy or even just sustained interest in psychology. I watched all of season one of In Treatment in the past two weeks, and I would never say it is a replacement, but for me it did serve as a sort of booster shot. Ok, its almost lunchtime, maybe I will read some comic books now.

May 2010

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