day four

Jun. 6th, 2009 10:28 am
raybear: (Default)
[personal profile] raybear
The house is empty, I took Sophie to the 9 am appointment and had to leave her behind for further tests and x-rays and now I'm waiting for a phone call to go back. I tell myself I am not one of those people, that I love my animals, but not like that, maybe I was just being judgmental, to hide behind that a little, because during the walk home, it was impossible not to cry, luckily I had sunglasses, luckily few people walk anymore, the sidewalks were mine to publicly weep, and even just now I hear a noise in the next room and assumed it was her snorting while dozing, but then I realize, no, she's not here, the house is empty. Wow, this is maudlin, she's NOT DEAD YET, she is at the doctors, they will figure something out and fix her. The vet is not opposed to my various theories either, he is being reasonable but also slightly aggressive in wanting to diagnose, the timeline is starting to look a bit more critical, I suppose, given the lack of eating and now the vomiting. I have spent so much time in the past few days cleaning up bodily fluids from rugs and cooking homemade bland foods to try to coax her into eating and staying home so I can take her out every 4 hours "just in case" and I do this because that's what you do for your dog, you show up, everyday, and they show up too, and the reason I cried on the way home is because that is the only relationship that has proven so steadfast and committed in my life for the past 7 years (it was around Memorial Day in 2002), she has shown up for me everyday, and I have been emotionally taxed these few months, that is exacerbating it, I know, I recognize that, but still this is worrying me enough to consider the possibility of something I knew would happen eventually could show up sooner rather than later and I don't want that at all.

Also, its totally silly, but I feel like I'm cheating at 300 words challenge because I actually have immediate trauma in my face to detail out.

Date: 2009-06-06 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crafting-change.livejournal.com
I really hope she is ok, and the scripting that happens as you worry is normal, feeling care and concern for her is normal - and dare I say it... healthy.

Date: 2009-06-06 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] esquire.livejournal.com
My fingers are crossed for Sophie.

Date: 2009-06-06 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bookgrrrl.livejournal.com
Aw Ray, I'm sorry you're going through this. Best to you and Sophie.

Date: 2009-06-06 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anjiyama.livejournal.com
dearest raymond 300 words can be about anything.

my prayers are with you and sophie. i've been thinking about you hard. xo.

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