raybear: (scream)
I've been putting off doing my taxes, because I knew I'd probably owe money. I don't necessarily mind the activity itself, if I'm in the right mindset. But I just hope I never get audited, but I'm sure I'm ripe for it given that all of the values I enter are round numbers. Office expenses? $500. Supplies? $500. Estimated value of donated goods? $300. I try to lowball things, just in case. I don't keep receipts. I could sit down with a year of bank statements and figure it out, I'm sure. Either that or hope my tax auditor would accept sexual favors. The questions were sort of funny on the online program I was using, because they kept awkwardly inserting the phrase "youth educator business" in an attempt to personalize it. In the end, the damage I owe is $239 to the federal government and $59 to the state, because of being 'self-employed' for a 1/3 of my income last year.

Last night, Big Chicks was packed with people, none of them were my therapist which I was randomly concerned about, given that every time I step into the Andersonville area I run into that guy. Most of the crowd was strangers to me, and during one of my sets, while dancing in the booth to "Ain't No Other Man", I scanned the crowd to see how people were responding. I notcied on the other side of the room, up on the stage, this cute fag rocking out to the song, singing and dancing with complete enthusiasm and freedom. I was pleased they liked the song as much as me, then laughed because I realized the "fag" was [livejournal.com profile] loosethread.

Dan Savage gets on my nerves a lot so I'm not sure why I decided to click on his column this week until I got to the end, and read this:

...remember this: it takes more guts to be an out swish in our society than it takes to be a str8-acting, A&F-wearing frat-boy clone.

raybear: (Default)
I love phone calls at 9:30 on Saturday asking me for money.

So, I rented a car in L.A. at Thanksgiving and they claim I owe them $200+ for some damage to the rear bumper. They're sending me the incident report and other misc. paperwork to back up their claim. I have said that no one mentioned anything to me when I returned the car, and she said that the inspection was made just after I returned it, and that if they did inspections right at return, customers would have to wait forever. To which I'm thinking, too bad, it's your business decision to create a gap between procedures that is unaccounted for, that's not my fault as a customer. I stood by my claim. Also, $223 seems like a way too much for some 'minor bumper' damage that 'probably happened while parked'.

But, perhaps I'm also just screwed. Am I going to have suck this up and pay it?

Also, I used to ALWAYS get the full insurance when renting, the extra $9 a day to cover such bullshit (as well as major stuff), but about a year ago, someone made fun of me for doing that and said she never in her life did it and that I worry too much, and plus I was really broke around that time and saving the dollars seemed like a good idea. Now I'm mad I ever stopped doing what I wanted to do and fck intrusive know-it-alls who say I have hangups for being too careful and equate spontaneity and freedom, with irresponsibility. You can pay my $223 bill.

Actually, fck me for not just doing what I want to do and ignoring the rest.

Or fck car rental places who are charging me more than twice what I paid to rent the damn car for minor isht. Alamo, for future reference.
raybear: (Default)
For those who just tuned in, or those who skim, I now work a deskjob that pays me pretty good money. I mean, relatively speaking to the fact that I existed for two years on approximately $14,000 a year. What I make now is a big step up from that -- and just in time as I'd nearly maxed out all my credit cards. I am also the absolute bottom rung on the corporate ladder though withint the organization, given that I am a part-time secretary, so my feelings about money are all muckety in a way that I'm sorting out occasionally. Like today, when I had to ask to get paid for Christmas day. When I asked for the week off, my boss said I'd get paid for the holidays when the office was closed. For Thanksgiving, the hours were added in manually from someone at the end of the pay period, and that didn't happen this time, but I decided to hold off until it was confirmed I didn't get paid. Yesterday I got the stub in the mail, and sure enough, wasn't paid. So I e-mailed them today and asked to have it corrected and accounting said, 'no, you don't get paid cause blah blah blah' and my boss wrote back and said, 'yes, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you, yes, he does get paid', and accounting said, 'ok, it'll happen next paycheck'. Problem solved, right? No real crisis, other than the 10 minutes between e-mails when I felt all demoralized and frustrated about not getting that day's pay (and possibly not getting the day's pay for New Year's or MLK Day on Monday). But it's all good now. Supposedly. I still feel all shitty. I don't have problems talking about money with candor with my peers (during the e-mail exchange, I turned to the woman I share a workspace with and told her all about it and she was supportive). But I hate the dynamic of having to talk/negotiate money with the people who are in control of doling it out. It's all sorts of feelings of shame and entitlement and fear and anger and guilt. Talking about it before the fact, or after the fact, I'm super confident about where it all stands and aware of meaning of worth and control and the associations that come with it that I must resist. But in the moment, I'm definitely not doing those things.

Speaking of demoralized, I've realized that playing computer chess when you're a near-beginner is sort of the equivalent of hitting a tennis ball against a brick wall. You're never going to beat that wall. But I can still maybe get better. If I can get over my tempter tantrums after losing in under 15 moves.

This afternoon I saw Children of Men which is kind of a shitty title (when I went to the theater, I asked for one ticket for Children of Dead, and the movie guy said 'what?' and I said, Children of THE Dead?....whatever that Children movie is!), but don't let it dissuade you, it's a great, great movie, and I credit [livejournal.com profile] unscrambled for pointing my nose to it. Also, it's sort of freaky, but literally on the way to the movie, I found out that a dear friend of mine is pregnant. Interesting timing for a lot of reasons.

Next week I'm going for matinee of Notes on a Scandal. Damn, I love Oscar season.

May 2010

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