kiss me and i'll kiss you back.
Mar. 28th, 2002 04:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearSo I just clicked over here and read an entry from almost exactly a year ago, where I'm freaking out about the thought of living with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
limenal.
My confidence in that post scares me. I mean, granted we ARE living together one year later and it's going great, but still, my past self seems deluded or something. I also think it's funny that I referred to MelRo as "Lanie", though it was in the height of dual names -- there were more friends around who called her that (like her roommate), plus preparing to meet her family. Nowadays I have about 20 names for her, and Melanie and Lanie are pretty much the bottom two. Sometimes I don't even think of a name when I think of her. It's more of an impression, an imprint, an emotion. This is starting to sound all sappy. But it's true. She's just.....her. Ye Of Multiple Appellations.
It's also think that it's funny I probably would have gotten hitched at the drive-thru chapel if I had surprised her in Vegas last New Year's. But nowadays I can't commit to proper set of kitchen pans. Or curtains. Which is not to say I don't love her dearly, or my life with her. It's just the longer we're together, the more real it seems, the more complicated things are, the more fears pop up. Sure, the honeymoon phase is a horrible time to make long-standing commitments to a potential partner. But it's also the easiest.
It hasn't even been a year and a half. It hasn't been that long, compared to my entire existence on this earth. But I don't really remember much of who I am before her. And even if she's not actively in every specific scenario or daydream I have for my future, she's present. Just like she's present right now while I'm at work. Or present in this entry. Can I capture that? Can I make sure that when I re-read this I'll know?
Probably not. But self, you better believe it was true.
limenal.My confidence in that post scares me. I mean, granted we ARE living together one year later and it's going great, but still, my past self seems deluded or something. I also think it's funny that I referred to MelRo as "Lanie", though it was in the height of dual names -- there were more friends around who called her that (like her roommate), plus preparing to meet her family. Nowadays I have about 20 names for her, and Melanie and Lanie are pretty much the bottom two. Sometimes I don't even think of a name when I think of her. It's more of an impression, an imprint, an emotion. This is starting to sound all sappy. But it's true. She's just.....her. Ye Of Multiple Appellations.
It's also think that it's funny I probably would have gotten hitched at the drive-thru chapel if I had surprised her in Vegas last New Year's. But nowadays I can't commit to proper set of kitchen pans. Or curtains. Which is not to say I don't love her dearly, or my life with her. It's just the longer we're together, the more real it seems, the more complicated things are, the more fears pop up. Sure, the honeymoon phase is a horrible time to make long-standing commitments to a potential partner. But it's also the easiest.
It hasn't even been a year and a half. It hasn't been that long, compared to my entire existence on this earth. But I don't really remember much of who I am before her. And even if she's not actively in every specific scenario or daydream I have for my future, she's present. Just like she's present right now while I'm at work. Or present in this entry. Can I capture that? Can I make sure that when I re-read this I'll know?
Probably not. But self, you better believe it was true.
