(no subject)

Last night I went running for the first time in years and years and I ran for longer than I ever have in my life. I feel rather dumb about it though. I went running with Melanie, because we've been talking about how we both suck at it and want to get better, but want to do it with someone who sucks, too. So we get started, and she says, you set the pace. So I start going, and she says "that's way too fast." So she set the pace, and we're going literally barely above walking. I'm sort of like, okay whatever. But I manage to maintain a jog for more than 20 minutes, which I've never been able to do before. Every other attempt at running I've made usually consisted of 2 blocks of me running at a quick pace, than walking for 4 blocks, then running quickly for one block, than walking the 7 blocks home in pain. Of course, I would get so frustrated I wouldn't want to go out again to try and improve. Why it never occurred to me to go slow and consistently, I don't know. But now I'm sold. I stretched a lot before and after (I wasn't terribly flexible before, and since T, I've increased muscle mass and further decreased flexibility), and this morning when I woke up I hurt some. I was scared I would be super sore, but after a brief morning stretch (i.e. extending my arms and legs while still under the covers), I feel great, so I think I was just stiff, not sore. I'm planning on running on thursday morning, by myself this time. I love the park near my house, and the lakefont area, because it's a cool mix of people doing multiple activities and minding their own business -- not the yuppies and gym queens of the Lakeview area. If I continue to run through the summer and the fall after I move, than I'll probably take the train up to my neighborhood, then run along the lake back down south.

I'm determined to get in shape using free activites. As much as a love my therapist, sometimes she can be unaware about my lack of money. She'll talk about how I should buy something special to reward myself, and I'm thinking about blowing 20 bucks at a thrift store or a used CD store, and she's talking about a super-expensive restaurant. Or she'll talk about how I should join a gym to help with my anxiety and fitness and I'm like "with what money?" Jogging, walking, push-ups, and sit-ups are free and can be done anywhere. I can't believe that even in my exercising I'm an adamant proletariat. But I can't really be surprised....Though to be honest, if I had free access to a gym, I would go. Maybe I can sneak in with Melanie when she starts at University of Chicago. What I would like to do most is swimming, but you can hardly do that anywhere for free or cheap, and I can't even fcking do it until after my chest surgery. Damn it all to hell. I guess I have 2 big things to look forward to in addition to having the chest I want -- swimming and a tattoo. I know exactly where I want the tattoo, but I'm not totally settled on what I want. But, I have at least a year or two to figure that out.