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Riding shotgun down the avalance.
Dec. 20th, 2001 02:31 pmI went to my first Indigo Girls concert in 1988. I remember talking to my brother's girlfriend-at-the-time (who's now my friend I talked to on Monday night) about the new album and we liked it compared to the self-titled and Strangefire. I remember being riciduled when I wore the t-shirt to school by folks who listened to Motley Crue and Def Leppard and Metallica. I like those bands too, so I couldn't understand why it was outside the realm of possibility for them to like my band. My band. That's what they were. Sure, they were already a phenomenon in Atlanta and starting to have steady buzz in other places. But they certainly weren't a household name, and I was the only one in middle school who had their favorite band called "blue dykes" and I understood it was an insult, but wasn't sure how they came up with it (as far as why they were 'queer' -- I obviously understood the blue part), and consequently had to defend them by myself. So they were my band.
In high school I discovered the likes of Mary Chapin Carpenter, Shawn Colvin, Natalie Merchant as well as locals Michelle Malone and Kristen Hall. Later came Tori Amos and Sarah McLaughlen. Then I went to college as was thrilled to finally meet people who had the same CDs I did. I started delving even more 'underground' singers with disappear fear, Jonatha Brooke, Catie Curtis, Dar Williams, Ani DiFranco and other people who had huge followings and no videos or radio play. And I gave them airplay on my portions of the Folk Show at WNUR. Wendy Beckerman, Patty Larkin, Patty Griffith, . I was the champion and local expert of female folk. And later what would be termed "lesbian music". Mostly just because the only other people who seemed as rabidly interested in the artists were lesbians, since only about 10% of the artists were actual lesbians. I remember exchanging mixtapes with friends, and bootlegs of live shows, etc. etc.
By my senior year in college I was way burnt out. It wasn't the ONLY thing I listened to (and never was), but it was my primary form of music and most likely to be playing in my stereo at any given time. But I had way too many years of listening female folk-types, and it all sounded the same. The best artists weren't putting out albums fast enough for me, so I'd turn attention to more mediocre ones, that all sounded the same. Then EVERY grrl with a guitar sounded the same to me. Or at least like they were copying the good ones. Did I mention that they all sounded the same? Yes, I think I did.
I started expanding my focus -- to acid jazz and funk, which I started collecting when doing a new radio show; to hip hop which was very present during middle and high school, but I had essentially abandoned after leaving Atlanta; to jazz, which I had always been too afraid to try and learn about; to indie rock, that my bookstore co-workers rattled on about incessantly; to straight up top 40, because I missed the fun of pop culture.
I didn't sell or give up any of my "women's music" collection. I still occasionally professed to love Amy, Emily, Jonatha, Dar, and the rest, but I never listened to them. I probably went to occasional concerts and I did buy a few new albums by the steady favorites. But for the most part they made me cringe. I grew especially desperate when working at the Feminist Bookstore and I'd come home from work craving music with drums and complex instrumentation and sometimes even male vocals.
Last night I started a mixtape for MelRo's road-trip that she starts tomorrow (driving to a mini-camp reunion in upstate New York, and then home for the holidays in Philly). The tape is tentatively titled, "Two for Tuesday, or All Dyked Out with Nowhere to Go". It started with a simple Joni Mitchell song in honor of xmas ("River"), and then a quick listen to songs from "Court & Spark" (which I finally replaced this past weekend after it was commandeered by my ex (probably mistakenly, but I was still sad/mad)). Then I opened up Shawn's "Live '88" and couldn't decide on a track because they all sounded fresh and amazing and I could even call up random memories of walking down the alley behind my first apartment and hearing "Another Long One Tonight" over and over again. I pulled out Melissa's "Brave & Crazy", and smiled (and cringed a little, I admit), as I recalled my summer in Atlanta when I was out to myself and friends but not my parents or where I worked, and I'd drive around all-day with the music loud and the sun-roof open. I remembered driving around Evanston sophmore/junior year with Kate and Mic and feeling mildly conspiratorial while singing along. Hell, even listening to the "Hot Rock" made me nostalgic, and that wasn't THAT long ago...
The memories themselves were fun. But I mostly got giddy by the music. It's still good. I can still enjoy it. I didn't completely ruin it for myself by over-listening. I'm not necessarily interested in picking back up on the careers of anyone but a few favorites (who I am mostly keeping up with anyway). I'm just happy to visiting with my old friends, who haven't changed. Only me.
Perhaps this is all part of my campaign to end my weird not-quite-lesbianphobia. But more likely it's a chance to merge parts of my past with my present and future. As much as I've changed, I'm also the same.
( p.s. )
In high school I discovered the likes of Mary Chapin Carpenter, Shawn Colvin, Natalie Merchant as well as locals Michelle Malone and Kristen Hall. Later came Tori Amos and Sarah McLaughlen. Then I went to college as was thrilled to finally meet people who had the same CDs I did. I started delving even more 'underground' singers with disappear fear, Jonatha Brooke, Catie Curtis, Dar Williams, Ani DiFranco and other people who had huge followings and no videos or radio play. And I gave them airplay on my portions of the Folk Show at WNUR. Wendy Beckerman, Patty Larkin, Patty Griffith, . I was the champion and local expert of female folk. And later what would be termed "lesbian music". Mostly just because the only other people who seemed as rabidly interested in the artists were lesbians, since only about 10% of the artists were actual lesbians. I remember exchanging mixtapes with friends, and bootlegs of live shows, etc. etc.
By my senior year in college I was way burnt out. It wasn't the ONLY thing I listened to (and never was), but it was my primary form of music and most likely to be playing in my stereo at any given time. But I had way too many years of listening female folk-types, and it all sounded the same. The best artists weren't putting out albums fast enough for me, so I'd turn attention to more mediocre ones, that all sounded the same. Then EVERY grrl with a guitar sounded the same to me. Or at least like they were copying the good ones. Did I mention that they all sounded the same? Yes, I think I did.
I started expanding my focus -- to acid jazz and funk, which I started collecting when doing a new radio show; to hip hop which was very present during middle and high school, but I had essentially abandoned after leaving Atlanta; to jazz, which I had always been too afraid to try and learn about; to indie rock, that my bookstore co-workers rattled on about incessantly; to straight up top 40, because I missed the fun of pop culture.
I didn't sell or give up any of my "women's music" collection. I still occasionally professed to love Amy, Emily, Jonatha, Dar, and the rest, but I never listened to them. I probably went to occasional concerts and I did buy a few new albums by the steady favorites. But for the most part they made me cringe. I grew especially desperate when working at the Feminist Bookstore and I'd come home from work craving music with drums and complex instrumentation and sometimes even male vocals.
Last night I started a mixtape for MelRo's road-trip that she starts tomorrow (driving to a mini-camp reunion in upstate New York, and then home for the holidays in Philly). The tape is tentatively titled, "Two for Tuesday, or All Dyked Out with Nowhere to Go". It started with a simple Joni Mitchell song in honor of xmas ("River"), and then a quick listen to songs from "Court & Spark" (which I finally replaced this past weekend after it was commandeered by my ex (probably mistakenly, but I was still sad/mad)). Then I opened up Shawn's "Live '88" and couldn't decide on a track because they all sounded fresh and amazing and I could even call up random memories of walking down the alley behind my first apartment and hearing "Another Long One Tonight" over and over again. I pulled out Melissa's "Brave & Crazy", and smiled (and cringed a little, I admit), as I recalled my summer in Atlanta when I was out to myself and friends but not my parents or where I worked, and I'd drive around all-day with the music loud and the sun-roof open. I remembered driving around Evanston sophmore/junior year with Kate and Mic and feeling mildly conspiratorial while singing along. Hell, even listening to the "Hot Rock" made me nostalgic, and that wasn't THAT long ago...
The memories themselves were fun. But I mostly got giddy by the music. It's still good. I can still enjoy it. I didn't completely ruin it for myself by over-listening. I'm not necessarily interested in picking back up on the careers of anyone but a few favorites (who I am mostly keeping up with anyway). I'm just happy to visiting with my old friends, who haven't changed. Only me.
Perhaps this is all part of my campaign to end my weird not-quite-lesbianphobia. But more likely it's a chance to merge parts of my past with my present and future. As much as I've changed, I'm also the same.
( p.s. )
