Jan. 23rd, 2002

raybear: (Default)
I just called my doctor's office and hopefully my doctor will just prescribe antibiotics over the phone for me. This will be wonderful. I will be cured (of one thing, at least). I won't have to go to the doctor. I won't have to PAY for going to the doctor. I hope he won't make me come in and see him. Hell, it makes his life easier too, so here's hoping he'll make it happen, like Mariah Carey. ***I just got a phone call. I basically lied and said I had the problem before, since I thought that might help my chances in not coming in to the office. Then I told him my symptoms. He's calling the pharmacy. Woo-hoo!

Last night I had an excellent time at the buddhist meditation class. And I want to marry the monk who ran the class. And I don't neessarily mean that in a sexual way. Though he was really cute. He sort of looked a bit like [livejournal.com profile] legalmoose, now that I think about it. But his hair looked more like mine (i.e. a shaved head with a couple weeks growth). But he was really calm and genuine and funny, but in an extremely sweet way. He just seemed really positive and warm, and I was drawn in. Hopefully this isn't a cult, cause otherwise I'd be well on my way to being suckered. Anyway, the classes are every Tuesday for the next couple months, and they included group meditation, a brief lesson related to meditation, and then Q&A. So yeah, I'm looking forward to going every week, and I'm planning on rescheduling my therapy so I don't have them on top of each other.

I remember when I "invented" meditation. I mean, obviously not in the larger sense, but I came up with this great idea on my own and thought no one else knew about it. I had devised this imaginary "rule" for the universe (I commonly had such truth and postulates), which said that closing my eyes while sitting still or lying down and couting 50 long deep breaths was the equivalent of a 30 minute nap. This was probably around the time we got our first microwave, so I was obsessed with the idea of doing things in a fraction of the amount of time. Sure enough, taking 50 deep breaths did relax me and I felt refreshed as if I had napped. I performed this task fairly often, and later realized that I had invented meditation on my own once I started reading some books on "alternative cultures".

My dabbling in the "occult" (in the South, that's anything not christian. probably even some aspects of judaism qualify) started when I was pretty young -- probably 8 or 9. I can thank Sydney Freeman, my "Discovery" teacher in late elementary school for teaching us creative visualization and out-of-body experiences, as well as about the greenhouse effect and recycling, long before the general population knew of these concepts.

Later I remember buying a book at the Everything's A Dollar store (located next to the stacks of remainder copies of Vanna White's autobiography, Vanna Speaks) called The Encyclopedia of Psychic Sciences. There was a chapter on phrenology, palm reading, numerology, astrology, and numerous other sections I probably never read. Around this time I also bought a book at the famous Atlanta used book shop about becoming a ninja. I was convinced that was my future career. I even talked about this for way longer than I should have -- for christmas one year in high school, my friend bought me as a joke a package of corn seeds, because I had talked to her about training to jump by planing corn and jumping over the stalk every day, so that eventually one could easily jump over 7 foot tall corn stalks. My friend was obviously amused by my commitment.

My favorite book used to be Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman. I'm embarassed to say that I was introduced to this book because of my obsessive crush on Christian Slater. He mentioned the book in an interview article for YM magazine. I stored it in my head for almost a year before I finally found it in the small Waldenbooks-mimicking bookstore in the same mall as the Everything's A Dollar store. Coincidence? I never really thought of all the life-changing finds from North DeKalb Mall. Anyway, I used to read the book at least twice a year, continuing past my starry-eyed crush on Mr. Slater, and even read the book out of quasi-nostalgia in college.

I haven't seen the book in awhile. But I have a LOT of books, so it's possible it's on my shelf right this moment. It's also possible I loaned it to someone who never returned it. I want to read it again, but I fear I'll hate it which might break my heart.
raybear: (Default)
I must right about my dreams last night. Not a whole narrative, just two main bits.

I was snowboarding (which I've never done in real life) and it had a video game feel to it. But I started being a bit more bold and found that if I leaned back and crouched down and changed my center of gravity, I had better control. So I started zipping down the hill, and we were following this specific path or course which was supposed to be marked. I ended up speeding pass the crowd (we were all beginners) and leading the way. I got to the bottom of the hill, and had the option of going left or right. The markers went to the left, so I went to the left. Then it started getting slushy, and at one point I was actually 'surfing' on water. I realized I was snowboarding on a creek that was only partialy frozen and getting wet. I went over a few small rapids, but noticed a big drop coming up. I was nervous, but told myelf to go ahead, because this was a beginner's course and they wouldn't put anything dangerous on the path. There were several low hanging branches and trees at the edge of the waterfall, so I kept going forward towards the falls, trying to avoid the branches, but also wanting to stay near them for security. As I approached the edge, I saw down and realized in a split-second that is was a HUGE drop -- maybe 100 feet onto rocks and mist and dark waters. I grabbed a branch and managed to change directions and started going upstream. I yelled at the few people following me to turn around, and helped this one person who was stuck on the side. I can vivdly remember grabbing the branch and pulling with all my strength and being somewhat amazed and impressed with myself at saving myself. I was pretty proud.

The second part of my dream involved being trapped in an old high school, trying to find a men's room, and while trying to find a guy to give me directions to a working bathroom, I ran into Charles Mingus. Not only alive, but also sort of a younger version (almost like my younger Jeffry Dahmer). He was very disoriented and confused, like he'd been wandered around and not sure what he was doing (I think this aspect of the dream comes from watching bits of the Buffy season premiere and her coming back from the dead). I helped Charles get out of the building, ebcause people were starting to stare and ask questions and amazed by Charles Mingus being alive. I wanted to "set him free" and get him away from all the nosy, prodding folks, and if I could just get him out into the city I knew he'd be okay. We eventually made it out of the building.

May 2010

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