More beef than deli's.

A few weeks I wrote about a particular r&b song I'd heard on the radio a couple times that used Peter Frampton-eque computerized voices at the end of the song. The song was sort of a guilty pleasure, as many r&b songs are for me, but I hadn't made any significnant moves to find out the title of song or looking into picking up the single. Well, this morning I just learned that I already own it. That is so me. I bought a single solely for the b-side song that I loved, and it turns out the a-side is the song I was talking about. This phenomenon is unfortunately quite common for me -- there are numerous gems in my collection that I don't even realize until after the fact. I've only rarely purchased things twice though -- I think it's actually only happened once, and it was just a cheap vinyl single, so no big deal. More likely, I'll be hunting around for a song in someone else's collection for them to put on a mixtape for me, and then I later discover I already had it. Or even more embarassing, I ask someone if they have a song and they inform me that I already own it, because they've scoped my inventory. Doh. But I think Damon is the only one who's ever pulled that with me, since he's somewhat intimately acquainted with my collection from living together for a year.

Now I'm listening to a partial dub of his copy of J to the L-O. And in the remix of "If You Had My Love" has the robotic voice too -- though it's more closely akin to Cher's "Believe". Suddenly I feel very dirty. I think I will take this tape out and replace it with Miles Davis's In A Silent Way. I mean, I'm not ashamed at all for liking certain sickeningly sweet music, but it can start to numb the aural taste buds. One can't eat popcorn for every meal.

So on Saturday I think I'm going to the Empty Bottle for the film fundraiser, despite finding the location of the bar extremely annoying from a public transportation point of view. I think geechee mentioned going -- and probably freakysparks too? Look for me there. I'll be the lone cat trying to hold my drink seductively (or perhaps smoking cigarettes if I don't have any cash). I'm also down for a challenging game of Centipede, which they have at the bar, even though I pretty much suck at it.

you'll break.

For a very brief period of time in my life, I was poor. For about six months after graduation, I was living in a crappy apartment with cheap rent and working retail full-time. I almost didn't have to file taxes because of my income level. I didn't have insurance. I had lots of credit card debt. But I'm pretty fortunate that if something dire had happened, at that point my parents probably would have chipped in to pay for the broken leg. And the whole situation didn't last for very long -- I found my current job and stabilized my life a bit, and went back to just being broke.

I'm still broke. Here's how I define the difference. When I'm "poor", I have no cash, can barely pay the bills (or not paying them at all), and I don't have much 'stuff', physical or intangible. When I'm broke, all my bills are paid (on time, for the most part) and I have stuff, like a 30-day bus pass, health insurance, some food in the fridge and pantry, and cable tv, but I still have credit card debt will little room remaining on the balances and I have no liquid assets. The ATM balance is dangerously close to one-digit. Or even negative.

Last summer I dipped below broke and got near danger zones that could have led to poor. But again I got lucky and I hustled a bit (in multiple meanings of the word) and things were okay.

I try not to take any of my situations for granted, because no matter what, they can certainly always get worse. But they can also get better, especially if I'm a bit more conscience with my money. Right now I'm in the situation where my bank balance seems high, but nearly every dollar is already allocated and it's only the 1st. Not quite the way I want to start off the month, but it's too late now.

However, in exciting news, my first shipment from the record pool arrived today. I couldn't resist opening the box a litte, just to pull out the supposed questionnaire being sent to me -- I fear I won't meet their requirements and will get dropped. But the only piece of paper I saw on top said, "Raymond, I set you up with some extra vinyl. Please send your next dues by May 1." So I sent them a check immediately today, with a note thanking them for hooking me up and letting them know that I didn't get the records until May 1st, and apologize if the check gets there late. Of course, I didn't budget in for this expense this pay period. But luckily I didn't mail off the bills I paid last night. So I decided to slip my cell phone bill into my drawer and wait to mail it in 2 weeks. Note to myself in the future two weeks: MAIL THE BILL IN YOUR DRAWER. Maybe I'll set an alarm on my computer. I already put a post-it note on the bill itself.

Then I realized I'm scheduled to pay my therapist tonight. There's no money for her right now. But in two weeks I can pay her in full -- she's usually understanding, but I can't help but feel weird showing up at her appointment tonight with a big box of records, telling her I have no money.

Someone on my friends list recently mentioned "graduating" from therapy and only going once a month. Perhaps if I show lots of improvement for the sake of my bank books. Is it lame to get more motivation for finanical reasons?

Another side benefit of the vinyl is that I can take it down to the used record shops and re-cup a little bit of cash. That's probably how I'll finance my weekend.

In other news, I went to a work event at the Daley center as part of some Law Day fair. It was pretty uneventful from my job perspective, but I met this awesome attorny who works for Lawyers for Creative Arts and she hooked me up with a guy who teaches music business seminars AND I can call her with any future copyright/legal business questions -- they offer their services pro bono. Maybe I won't be so bad at this networking type stuff after all, considering how excited I get by free stuff.

And then who knows. Maybe someday in the near future I won't even be broke anymore.