composing a dream soundtrack

CANCER: The Moon in Pisces is reassuring to you as it affirms the emotional basis of your life. The problem is that your feelings, however strong they may be, are dynamically in conflict with the logic that you’ve wrapped around some situation. Even when you move past the words, you can’t get fully into your feelings without reality crashing the party. One of the best things about being a Crab is your understanding that emotional tides always change.
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Yes, yes, the emotional tides will always change. Lucky for me. At least I'm not quite as moody and crappy as I was last night.

Remembered lots of my dreams again last night, though nothing noteworthy. Except perhaps hearing a voicemail message from my childhood best friend trying to track me down so she can tell me she's in love with me and want to be with me. Of course, she was asking for my old name and also coming out to me as a lesbian.

Instead of focusing on recording every dream, I'm trying to isolate dreamsigns, so I can make a more conscious effort to be lucid. So far I've identified two common dreamsigns for me: one, characters changing identities, or being two people as once (sometimes this comes out as one person I know "playing" the other person, like an actor would. Example: the character of my mom is being played by my high school english teacher); and two, being in situations where I'm feeling exposed and/or naked. I realized that I actually have these dreams a lot -- not so much the typical showing up to work/school without clothes, but generally a variation on the theme. Like I'll be sitting in a living room chatting with people then suddenly realize I'm not wearing a shirt. Or I'm forced to shower/bathe/use the bathroom in some sort of public restroom that has no doors or curtains or a broken door and lots of people a milling around, often not even using the facilities. So I'll feel intense feelings of embarassment, exposure, discomfort, fear of being found out or laughed at. Generally these dreams aren't too nightmarish -- just more frustrating and annoying. But hopefully now that I'm naming them, I'll start to realize that it's not occuring in waking life and can use these dreamsigns as a way of waking up in my dreams.

Supposedly our brain is so wired to always assume the most logical and reasonable explanation, which is why strange things that occur in our dreams don't tip us off very often. The sidewalk could suddenly turn vertical and be made out of cake batter, but our dream mind just says "that's odd" and continues on its merry way. One could argue this is fairly true in waking life as well, at least according to any conspiracy theorist. I certainly wouldn't deny it.

Speaking of dreams, I came up with a good idea last night -- a mixtape brewing in my head, which will basically be laid out as a film soundtrack, complete with some score. I'm not sure if I actually want to have a narrative in my head first, which I can build around -- I think it will be stronger if avoid a plot pretty much all together, at least until after the tape is done. Then maybe I'll write a synopsis worthy of the back of a videotape (perhaps even complete with inaccuracies and misinterpretations).

This is much better than my dream involving the Chuck Mangione sample being played background. That just didn't sound as good in real life.

surprise houseguest

Just so all you envious suckas knows, the_passives just called me and will be sleeping at my abode this evening. Hopefully he won't mind evening activites including The Osbournes. Though we could possibly tag along to Big Chicks to hang out with some grad school queers.

I'm supposed to be helping people right now on the help desk. But this one person I really could actually help is not calling me back. Bastard.

That about brings us current.

where's your head at?

Since the majority of the folks who took my poll didn't see the movie Kissing Jessica Stein, I'm not able to make any analysis or possible correlation. Oh well. Thanks anyway for filling stuff out and satisfiying my curiosity. Plus, I was able to detemine who on my friends list would have sex with me. Ha.

Big ups to cuedus who took some words of my mouth, and also to kisha, who is the only person besides me who doesn't get their own bisexuality. Woot! I obviously can't speak for her, but the reason I chose that answer is because I've yet to determine any patterns in my desire or why/how they change, which doesn't really cause me any distress. It just makes me curious at times.

Also, Sparky is my current hero because she put an html tag in her "Current Music". She's a genuis. Why didn't I think of this? Because I'm not a genius like her, evidently. Nevertheless, I'm smart enough to steal a good idea when I see it.

Going back to the poll, I'm astounded by the number of people who don't like or don't notice Lisa Kudrow. I cry for you people and all the joy you're missing out in your life. And i'm not talking about watching "Friends" (I'm not hating! don't worry! I just don't watch it that much.) I highly recommend the movies Clockwatchers, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, The Opposite of Sex, and her small part in Albert Brooks' mother. And if for some reason they ever rerun on cable the episode of The Groundlings when she came back and did live improv with her alumnus troupe -- hiLAYrious.

[Though I also just read some fact, possibly factoid since I haven't confirmed its truth, that she was a virgin until she got married at the age of 31. Which didn't bother me, only astounded me, except the sentence following this fact informed me that her mother informed HER at a young age that her virginity was a 'special gift' to her husband. Ugh. I wonder if he saved his 'special gift' for her. I mean, I don't really care what decisions make about their own personal sex lives and when to have it and with who and how well they want to know the person, etc. etc., but sometimes people take sex too damn seriously. Well, it's not even 'sex', it's specific sex acts, since I'd bet a lot of money that she had sex before marriage. It was probably just Clintonian sex. But don't let this random bizarre story distract you from your quest to discover Kudrow's comedic genius.

Because I'm lazy: cruelnails! I got distracted from commenting on your last post, so I'm including it here.
1. what's up with Musiq dropping his fake last name? I noticed that, too.
2. let me know if I should spend my money on Cee-Lo. I want to like it, but I fear disappointment.
{/gratuitous shout-out}

Tonight I will be preparing a lobster scampi with pasta type dish. With fake lobster. But I have faith it will be tasty nonetheless. And then maybe Andrew can list "Raybear's cooking" in his interest as well.