I should be so lucky. (lucky, lucky, lucky)

Lesson learned last night: Movies that were a favorite from ages17-19 should not necessarily be watched years later unless you're positive it holds up well. Not that seeing Noises Off was absolutely horrible, but it only felt mildly amusing to me, rather than my previous "falling off the couch in laughter" reaction. I did see the play performed more recently and still enjoyed it, so perhaps it was just the movie itself, or even my own changing tastes.

In other news, not too long ago, the conversation of "what songs/music is good while having sex" seemed to be haunting me. I had it a couple times during my vacation, it circulated on a few livejournal communities and individual journals, and then yesterday afternoon on the train I overhead two people talking about the same subject -- unfortunately they moved before I could get a good handle on the conversation.

I have a hard time with this subject because of how my brain works. I'm obviously obsessed with music and have a huge catalog alone stored in my brain, so it's hard to make short lists, but it's even harder because I tend to think of a song first, and then shape the type of sex or fantasy around it second. My imagination is also heavily shaped by my movie obsession (which rivals my music one) so sometimes I think about having sex to a song when there's no actual way for the music to be playing in real-life, but if one were to watch it as a movie, the song would score it for the audience.

In other words, it's not so much that I think of a type of sex I want to have with a type of person and then choose a soundtrack -- it's more that a song, any song, could play, and then I imagine the person, place, activity. Sometimes even a time period. So it's even harder for me to make a list of songs, because I'd have to include all the other details as well.

Right now I'm stuck on desperate puritan lovemaking with the preacher's kid to the tunes of Alison Kraus's "I'll Fly Away" in the back row of a small southern church. Oh yeah.

wasting away the moments that make up a dull day

So....I'm doing random research on finding some sort of social type group for gay/bi men. I don't know, maybe a book discussion group or something. Or some sort of community group, though it seems like those tend to focus on specific headings, like coming out or living with HIV or being caretakers. I guess coming out would sort of suit me, since that's sort of my purpose for going, right? It's not like I have a strong sense of my identity as a queer guy.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to go in this direction. I mean, I'm mister queer, mister out, mister working at a gay job, hanging out with gay friends, living in a gay neighborhood, writing in his big gay journal. Or something.

I guess I feel like something's missing as far as me wanting to interact with other gay or bi men (trans or not or both) and see what's there. I think I tend to pigeonhole this feeling as being only about desire, and assume I just need to date/fuck a guy and then it'll be okay. But I'm thinking a smarter place to start would just be a social/support/educational environment, and if dates/friendships come about because of the meetings great, but even if they don't, I'll probably get something out of the experience of just talking and listening.

It's not like I have tons of free time to kill or I'm looking for new set of friends or whatever. But even going out once a month might be helpful -- and I'm also determined to do this in person, and not just join some LJ community or listerv.
I feel really strange about doing this. And even stranger about writing about it.