I'm meeting my dream girl and moving to Hawai'i. Please forward my medical records.

Today I saw my snag doctor again. And even though I agree with cruelnails in preferring a down-to-business white-haired sensible MD in my doctor's examination experiences, in this case I'm having to side with my wallet and go with the guy who's in my insurance plan. And it turns out this new guy has more experience with treating transsexuals anyway. So I'll look past his ponytail and calling me buddy and his limpy handshake. His use of personal space was amazing too -- at one point I thought he was going to kiss me, and yet I didn't feel uncomroftable at all. He has sort of a hypnotic way of speaking.

Transsexual. I've been saying that word a lot lately. For some reason I like it. It's long and fills me mouth and sounds so official. It makes me sound exciting and sexy, rather than the boring guy with the shaved head and boyband beard.

This weekend went too fast, this day went too fast, and now I'm looking at the clock and thinking about how it's the beginning of the 21st day of January in a new year and I'm not old but not quite as young as I used to be. How exactly did I get here?

I'm anxious for Mercury to stop being retrograde. Sure, it might just be a placebo effect, but sometimes you need that placebo.

And sometimes it's not so much about being understood or misunderstood, it's just about people not assuming they know. And sometimes words mean exactly what they state and sometimes silence means exactly what it is, but then again sometimes the silence between the words is the most expressive of them all. I'm still trying to figure out how to use them all the best.

My new realization is about how "The Hours" contained so many interesting buddhist tenets and ideas. I want to write aimlessly about them.

But mostly I just need to sleep.

And in the winter extra blankets for the cold, fix the heater getting old

Last night I finished watching The Thin Red Line, which probably would have been better if viewed all in one sitting while also having a stronger attention span, but at this point I've been waiting to see it for so long, there was never going to be a 'right' time. So I just did it anyway. It was somewhat bizarre to see a movie that was exactly the opposite of traditionally casted movies -- usually the main character or two are well known faces and names, and the rest of supporting case is predominantly generic looking no-names. In this case, the main guys were Jim Caviezel and Adrian Brody, relative unknowns, especially in 1998. But then periodically random people like John Travolta or George Clooney or Woody Harrelson would pop up for two scenes.

Malick makes these movies that are slow and lulling and hypnotic and then suddenly this one line gets delivered and the main character's face falls and it's this huge gut-wrenching experience. So it's like I sit through 2 hours of visual imagery for that one moment and it works for me, though I can understand why other folks would be bored to tears. Hell, I'm bored half the time. Though in this movie there were a few exciting fighting scenes in between the slow camera pans that were amazingly well done.

Last night I made a cake. It's the best chocolate cake in the world, in case you were wondering. Not so much the specific cake I made, but the recipe itself. Basically it's a devil's food box cake mix, a cup of chocolate chips, a package of chocolate pudding, and some 1/4 c. oil, 1 1/4 c. water, and 2 eggs. You don't even need a bowl -- you mix it right in the pan you bake it in. The result is a moist rich cake that's so chocolatey it hurts. I can't believe I don't make this cake more often. It's the lazy-person's cake.

In Other News^TM, I'm a little too excited about the new episode of Buffy tonight.

I got a message for Smoky.

The day has suddenly flown by. I was starving, looked at the clock and realized it was 1:30 so I went to lunch. The past hour has gone quickly as well, in part because I'm doing productive work, I think. Funny how that works. I guess I'm especially impressed since I assumed the day would creep by since I'm wicked excited about two things that came in the mail today: Grand Theft Auto III and The Two Towers video game. I can't believe I'm leaving the house tonight. I have cars to steal and hobbits to protect! I borrowed Damon's copy of GTA III several months ago and luckily my game is still saved on my memory card, so I can pick up right where my little mobster wannabe left off. I think I'll reward him by immediately driving to the Red Light District.

Special public thank-you to Fairysparks and her wonderful wrapping job -- so professional and shiny, that silver gift wrap. I'm so flattered and tickled by her gift-giving.

When The Sims arrive in the mail later this week, I don't think I'll be available to the general public. All my entries will be rambles about Middle Earth and failed hitmen missions and my Sims version of Sunnydale. I can't wait to create a Sim of me to live on the Hellmouth and attempt seduce every character of the series, probably starting with Giles.

Unfortunately I have outings EVERY night this week. Too many damn Aquarians and their birthdays.

I wish I brought cake with me to work. Writing about it made me want more, even though I had a slice for breakfast.