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I'm an urban coyote.
Feb. 10th, 2003 07:20 amI really need to cut back on my caffeine intake since it's effecting my sleep. I had a hard time drifting off last night, and then I woke up very early this morning. I still feel groggy and sluggish, though somewhat mentally alert.
My father called me last night. I didn't notice it when it occurred, but I listened to the voicemail this morning while standing in the kitchen sans eyeglasses and holding my bread and nutella. My stomach dropped a little, particularly since the last time he called my mother was in the hospital.
He was calling because he hadn't talked to me in awhile and he was cleaning through some old files and came across some stuff that made him think of me. He said he'd maybe try back later this week.
First, I wondered if he was home alone. Was it a group effort? My parents used to always address things collectively, everything from college phone calls to christmas gift tags. My mom was much better at it than my dad -- she was used to doing all the work then writing in the card "love, mom & dad". My dad usually signed his e-mails just "love, dad."
Second, I thought immediately of a conversation with Lynx on Saturday night where I told the story of the tarot reader who suggested I write letters to my mother, something I haven't really started doing but think about often. I think I wasn't ready yet at the time I got the reading. I was still acting too much in a way that was for them and not for me. I might actually be ready now. Lynx talked about her own experience with writing letters to her parents, which helped inspire me a bit.
I haven't been thinking much of what I'd put in that letter yet. Mostly I've been thinking about making her a mix CD that has songs about writing letters. I'm not sure if this is a good first step or a copout.
I'm not sure what to do about my father. Should I call him back? Should I e-mail him to acknowledge the phone message? Should I wait for him to call back? I guess the only thing I should do is forget out what I want to do, then do it, worrying less about what I think he wants or needs me to do.
My father called me last night. I didn't notice it when it occurred, but I listened to the voicemail this morning while standing in the kitchen sans eyeglasses and holding my bread and nutella. My stomach dropped a little, particularly since the last time he called my mother was in the hospital.
He was calling because he hadn't talked to me in awhile and he was cleaning through some old files and came across some stuff that made him think of me. He said he'd maybe try back later this week.
First, I wondered if he was home alone. Was it a group effort? My parents used to always address things collectively, everything from college phone calls to christmas gift tags. My mom was much better at it than my dad -- she was used to doing all the work then writing in the card "love, mom & dad". My dad usually signed his e-mails just "love, dad."
Second, I thought immediately of a conversation with Lynx on Saturday night where I told the story of the tarot reader who suggested I write letters to my mother, something I haven't really started doing but think about often. I think I wasn't ready yet at the time I got the reading. I was still acting too much in a way that was for them and not for me. I might actually be ready now. Lynx talked about her own experience with writing letters to her parents, which helped inspire me a bit.
I haven't been thinking much of what I'd put in that letter yet. Mostly I've been thinking about making her a mix CD that has songs about writing letters. I'm not sure if this is a good first step or a copout.
I'm not sure what to do about my father. Should I call him back? Should I e-mail him to acknowledge the phone message? Should I wait for him to call back? I guess the only thing I should do is forget out what I want to do, then do it, worrying less about what I think he wants or needs me to do.
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