Somehow he was trying too hard to be like them

I arrived alive to Chicago. On Tuesday afternoon I suddenly got determined to crack the busy signal known as the United customer service line and I did -- after only 20 minutes she put me on a 7 o'clock flight. It was almost 4 pm. My clothes hadn't gone into the dryer. And frankly, I was a little sad to leave to soon since Phyllis and I's plan for the evening (making dinner and me forcing her to watch Buffy) was one of the most superior back-up plans I've ever encountered. But home beckoned and I usually come when called -- a habit my mother formed in me long ago.

I started to panic when the metro trains took exceedingly long to go the few stops needed to find National airport, but I arrived on time and got my boarding pass with no problems (despite the United person's constant reminders that I had to get US Airways to approve my ticket as well). I drank my vitaminwater and listened to my headphones the whole time.

My plane landed early and I couldn't stop grinning when I saw Lynx waiting for me at the baggage claim. Riding the bus home would have been torturous anyway.

I walked into work this morning to find my desk overrun with boxes and archives from MFHA's office. The move is coming. In approimately two and a half weeks our office will be repainted, recarpeted, I'll have an official cubicle and will be within note-throwing range of both Roberto and Cher. I guess next week I'll be cleaning off my desk.

I can't believe it's Thursday. My body tells me it's Monday in an alternate universe in some other city and if someone were to call me up today and say "hey, I'm moving to Toronto next week, would you come with me?" I would say yes because I'm just in that state of mind right now.

Why did you leave me when I needed to possess you?

About once a month I knock over a glass of water on my desk at work. I never spill it on the computer -- it's usually in the direction of my desk calender and other random pieces of paper or pads of post-it notes. Once a month. An average, maybe a little lofty, but still, it's not once a year.

Do I ever think I should not have beverages at my desk? No. Do I ever take any active measures to keep it from happening, like only drinking out of containers with lids or even just watching my hand when I go to grab it rather than blindly feeling for the plastic? No. Does this mean I'm a failure of a person when it comes to my evolutionary capacity and ability to learn? Maybe.

Part of me continues the behavior to test my clairvoyance. I often will be doing some action and will think "I should do ____ because this might happen", then I don't do it and it happens. An example: While doing laundry last week, I was pulling my clothes out of the washer by the armload and dragging them over to the dryer. Between the two is a garbage can filled mostly with lint. I thought "I shouldn't grab so many clothes at once because I'll probably drop a sock into the nasty lintfilled cannister." But I continue with my actions, in part because I decide Murphy's Law is not on my side -- if I think something might happen, it won't and will instead wait to catch me off-guard. What happened? Seconds later a sock fell into the trash can.

This is such a minsicule moment in life that happens on at least a weekly basis, yet it doesn't seem like the most prime opportunity for my brain to send me images of what will happen in the future. Also, these scenarios are maybe more just common sense. Nothing supernatural or extraordinary is being predicted in this moments. Maybe it's not so much that I'm psychic but I'm just practical and observant yet unwilling to follow my own common sense. Yet I can't help but notice that these things happen exactly as I saw them. Even down to the color of the sock that got covered in lint.

So what about the big things? I've had this journal for two and half years and sometimes I go back and read entries from the day or two before something major happened to see if there was anyway I possibly anticipated a major change was only hours away. But hell, sometimes when I read the entries from the day AFTER something major happened I don't seem to be aware of it's importance.

Maybe it's because I can't control the bigger stuff. If you know someone will walk into your life tomorrow and tell you something to change you, could you even prepare? Is it even worth the effort?

I can, however, prevent my water from ruining my paperwork and my socks from falling into garbage cans.