Bad dreams in the night -- you told me I was going to lose the fight.

I've been thinking about dying lately....

That was the opening line of the monologue I learned in my acting worshop at the ripe old age of 15. It came from William Hoffman's play "As Is" which I read in a collection of AIDS plays that I checked out from the library several times a year, almost as many times as the hardback version of What's Eating Gilbert Grape (way before it got made into a movie). I worked a lot on developing the piece, not just to learn to memorize, but working on character and getting inside the head of one and how to show that on the stage. Our instructor was a pretty talented guy, but he was an even better teacher. When I later auditioned for a play, I had selected a new monologue to perform, but afterwards James asked me if I could do the other one too. I was nervous, but got into his headspace and the words rolled off my tongue like they were my own. I was selected for the acting troupe.

( On death, metaphysical and otherwise )

What big fags are we?! Sitting here eating chocolate ice cream and watching the Cher concert!

Yesterday afternoon I was walking down honorary Bob Fosse way, singing along to the Busta Rhymes single blaring out of a nearby stopped truck, dodging through people crowded under the scaffolding, on my way to meeting a lunch date at the bank building. I was deposited from the river of people into the open space of the unobstructed sidewalk in front of one of the big Chicago theaters. This theater has offered many torturous moments for me, including the ten-foot tall face of former Miss America and former college nemesis, Miss Kate Shindle, in an ad for the touring production of Cabaret. My mood was defintiely ruined that day.

This was not as bad, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. I looked up as walking by to see a large poster for a revamped, revised, and revisited version of Starlight Express.

Ugh.

I love me some musicals. I can recite every line and song from Hello Dolly, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Fiddler on the Roof, Cotton Patch Gospel, Godspell, Joseph and the Amazing Techinicolor Dreamcoat, and Camelot backwards and forwards from the years I stage managed or ran lighting boards or starred in choruses in productions of them. I can sing along note for note to the soundtracks of favorite musicals I paid money to see live, including Jesus Christ Superstar, Les Miserables, Blood Brothers, Company, Showboat, My Fair Lady, Sunset Boulevard and more. I have both of Barbra's broadway albums. I love me some musicals.

But I have super low tolerance for some of Andrew Llyod Weber. He wrote JCS when he was super young, and frankly I think he peaked with that one. I enjoyed the grandeur and staging of Phantom of the Opera, but could never get into the music and lyrics and story on their own. I hated hearing Joseph night after night, though I'm sure it didn't help that the lead butchered most of the songs. I did get obsessed briefly with Sunset Boulevard, but that might have been more out of love for the original Billy Wilder film and for Glenn Close. And I've never had an urge to see Cats ever. Ever.

And Starlight Express? I think of standing on the corner in London with my two high school best friends and we're trying to make the most of our pounds and see two plays. Our teacher/advisor was trying to sell us on Starlight.

"Um, did you just say they're on roller skates?"

"Yeah, it's brilliant and fun and they ride through the audience."

"And they're supposed to be trains?"

"It's actually really good."

People on roller skates pretending to be trains and singing about it? I have my limits. I flatly refused to even consider the idea and would gladly take my money and see a play alone than attend that show with them. My two friends stayed out of the heated discussion, except to discuss that perhaps we should just stick to Les Mis and pair it with a more British play. We saw Blood Brothers instead.

I know there are people who's opinions I appreciate and respect that like this musical, and generally I don't like to be such a negative and close-minded person when it comes to artistic endeavors, even pop ones, especially ones that I haven't even seen or heard. I actually have a huge pet peeve for people who have strong negative opinions and ideas about movies or albums or performances that they haven't even consumed. But in this one specific case I can't seem to help myself. Because I realize how unreasonable I'm acting, I find no fault or judgment in people who enjoyed this show and believe it to be worthy.

However, I will never not believe that this is, hands down, the dumbest and worst musical in the entire world.