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The morning commute on an extra crowded train goes much faster when listening to Shannon's Let the Music Play (off my class "So Good So Right" mixtape), imagining slowdancing with Melissa Manchester while occasionally interspersing fantasies of hot wax play. These weren't really related, it's more that my brain just kept flipping back between wholesome and dirty, depending on the station and the temporary mood. I'm on a fire/temperature kick, which I didn't fully realize until I accidentally singed off a nice patch of arm hair last night while "playing around" during a movie. I need to come up with a verb that describes kink masturbation -- sometimes I just do random pain play things that aren't related to actually jacking off, but it's not exactly a full scale solo scene or anything. Maybe I'll call it kinking offTM.
The movie was Brown Sugar which didn't get finished because of phone conversations with Madness Librarian and Denver Boy. I don't know if I've previously nicknamed my friend Denver Boy, but he's one of my oldest and dearest friends from college, and we had lots and lots of catching up to do, which we did for over an hour. We also recommitted to taking a vacation together to Vancouver, possibly a long weekend in the fall. I honestly can't remember exactly why we chose Vancouver, though I suspect it might have to do with the food and the Canadian exchange rate.
During my lunch hour today I'm going to Walgreens to buy the patch. It's time to admit that smoking is affecting my mood, or more accurately, my attempts to reduce smoking are not aiding my depressive states. Today I woke up feeling rather hopeless about my life and my day, but after two sticks on the way into work, I'm feeling more reasonable. I don't like this. I want to be able to engage my own feelings in a genuine fashion without the aid of chemicals. This is partly why I rarely drink.
Though strangely enough, I'm not ready to give up smoking completely. I want to just get the lowest dose patch and maybe take a sabbatical from it. This may not be feasible and I might just get on some yo-yo effect where I go back to smoking and become even more addicted, but it's worth a shot I suppose.
I need to stop writing about this because now I want to step outside. Instead I'm going to pour a big mug of coffee and switch my stimulants.
Today is a work day.
The movie was Brown Sugar which didn't get finished because of phone conversations with Madness Librarian and Denver Boy. I don't know if I've previously nicknamed my friend Denver Boy, but he's one of my oldest and dearest friends from college, and we had lots and lots of catching up to do, which we did for over an hour. We also recommitted to taking a vacation together to Vancouver, possibly a long weekend in the fall. I honestly can't remember exactly why we chose Vancouver, though I suspect it might have to do with the food and the Canadian exchange rate.
During my lunch hour today I'm going to Walgreens to buy the patch. It's time to admit that smoking is affecting my mood, or more accurately, my attempts to reduce smoking are not aiding my depressive states. Today I woke up feeling rather hopeless about my life and my day, but after two sticks on the way into work, I'm feeling more reasonable. I don't like this. I want to be able to engage my own feelings in a genuine fashion without the aid of chemicals. This is partly why I rarely drink.
Though strangely enough, I'm not ready to give up smoking completely. I want to just get the lowest dose patch and maybe take a sabbatical from it. This may not be feasible and I might just get on some yo-yo effect where I go back to smoking and become even more addicted, but it's worth a shot I suppose.
I need to stop writing about this because now I want to step outside. Instead I'm going to pour a big mug of coffee and switch my stimulants.
Today is a work day.
