Relaxed but exhausted

I had a simply fabulous weekend in the woods, camping in honor of keetbabe's birthday with her fabulous friends, with lots of times for relaxing and rejuventaing, yet, still not quite enough time to actually sleep. Nearly the opposite of my road trip, where I felt like I was generally getting 8 hours a night, but my days were so overloaded that I felt drained. Yesterday evening I was still in a good mood, but I was so sleepy. So sleepy that I nearly fell asleep while leaning against a car while walking Sophie. So sleepy that I kept spacing out during rehearsal with Lynx and Ivanna, sometimes even in the midst of dancing. So sleepy that when I did finally put the clean sheets on and made it into bed and decided to have a little quality time with myself for sleep, and I....fell asleep while having sex with myself. So sleepy that this morning when the sun came up and I woke up, I felt dizzy when I tried to get out of bed.

But now I'm doing okay. A good eight hours was had. After shower and coffee, I might even be perky.

Horoscope for this week:

Dear RAYMOND,
There is a New Moon in your sign right at the end of the week. This is one great chance you have to make a fresh start that could impact on all areas of your life. This is the time to begin any new projects or health regimes, as your intention will have the power of the Moon behind it. But right at the start Venus and Mercury oppose Pluto. This indicates that a change of approach may affect an ongoing situation at work more powerfully then you can imagine. It won't take much to find the answer if you know why it is so necessary to alter your attitude to the situation. The Sun conjuncts Saturn in your sign, and this may make you more aware of certain fears that have been on the borderline between your conscious and unconscious. It is essential to keep walking up to them and moving beyond them. Don't let them get the better of you and stop you from moving forward when necessary. As Mars is now in Pisces and conjuncts Uranus you might feel the urge to travel. You will certainly be extremely restless. You will want to expand your horizons in whatever ways you possibly can.

More comments from the peanut gallery.

Not everyone filled out my Birthday mix poll and it's not too late, though my birthday is rapidly approaching (Thursday). Here's what people have suggested so far:

Walk Like An Egyptian
Birthday Cake by Cibo Matto
Birthday - The Beatles
"MC Chris" Birthday song from Sealab 2021.
Aphex Twin "girl/boy song"
anything off of the Richard D James Album
The Crazies - New Mongrels
Baby's Coming Back -- Jellyfish
"If I could turn back time" by Cher
Mass Romantic, The New Pornographers.
"transcend", "superstar" and "next plateau" on king britt: adventures in lo fi
"Birthday" by Sugarcubes (1988)
Build Me Up Buttercup -- the Foundations
We don't have to take our clothes off - Jermaine Stewart
Birth-Day by Suzanne Vega
Cut Chemist -- "The Lesson"
99 Luft Balloons-german version
Frank Siantra by Miss Kitten
Cruel to Be Kind - Nick Lowe
Street Life- Randy Crawford
Junior-Mama Usedta Say
anything P-Funk

The Shenpa Syndrome

Warning: this is a very very long essay by Pema Chodron from a talk she gave last year that I'm posting so I can re-read it later.

( I think I have shenpa towards Pema )

I am the DJ, I am what I play.

What I'm about to write is not false modesty, nor is it an attempt to denigrate myself for the sake of receiving compliments or reassurances.

I am not the music geek/guru/expert that people think I am. Frankly, I don't even know how people come to this conclusion since I don't think I try to portray myself as one. I'm certainly open about being obsessed with music and loving it and constantly wanting to learn more about it, but I don't think I'm nearly as geeky about it as I could be, or even as I want to be.

I may be a DJ, but I can't beatmatch to save my life. Luckily (or because of this fact?), I don't really like how beatmatching sounds -- songs get shortened even more so, phrases get repeatedly excessively for the sake of a transition, limitations get placed on what can be put together if you're willing to have sounds crash into each other. But that doesn't mean I don't wish I could do it. I just haven't invested much time in learning.

I can barely scratch. I can do a couple different types of scratching, but that's only three out of dozens. I occasionally have good instincts about where scratches should go in a song, but I can't in anyway "cut the record up" in an enjoyable fashion. Much less do anything behind the back or whatnot.

I struggle with music theory. I did okay when I was taking piano lessons back in the day, but I seem to have plateaued since the age of ten. I have hope for learning more, but to be real, it's going to take a lot of time because I barely get minor chords, much less sevenths and ninths and whatnot.

Despite taking nearly a decade of piano lesson, I'm quite ignorant about most forms of classical music. I'm still sort of in the "I know what I like" category of learning, but even that's not true because there are many things I like but have NO idea who the composer is or what period or anything. I'm totally the mofo who's like "do you have the CD with the song playing the beef commerical?" or "do you have the song they play during the montage at the end of Wimbledon coverage?"

Another major category of music I'm lacking is rock. Seriously. I don't own every Beatles album. I hate most of Led Zeppelin. I think I have a best-of Doors album. Other "seminal" groups (at least by VH1 standards) I know a little bit about it and even like but have few albums or real understanding of why they're important: Velvet Underground, The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Sex Pistols, and many many more. Don't even get me started on my ignorance towards indie rock and it's various incarnations like punk and emo and garage and whatnot.

Even in the genre I probably know best, hip-hop, I would still say I'm always a student. Part of why I love Ego Trip's Big Book of Rap Lists is because when I first bought it, I could open the book to any page and any list, and I would maybe only know one song or artist or album for each ten they named. (Now I can open the books and will maybe know at least two or three!) It made me realize how big the catalog is and how much I had either forgotten or never knew.

I guess my point is, it's all relative. I don't feel like I'm geeky enough and will continue to absorb music voraciously. Or so I hope. I had this theory as a teenager that people turn 30 and start buying one CD a year versus one per week (which I was averaging for awhile) -- my brother became this way, and I became a music junkie because of him. Luckily as I've grown up and actually, you know, met more people over 30, this hasn't been proven true. But even if people only own 15 albums to my 1500, I still have often found they'll have something I don't or will have a passion for an artist or genre that I know nothing about.

And even if you don't, that doesn't mean I won't still think you're cool.