There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong

I don't know when I finally fell asleep, but it was late. I'm not too fond of this recent trend where I get really sleepy and ready for bed around 10:30 or 11, then when I finally make it to bed around midnight I just lie there for over an hour. Last night wasn't really helped by being jolted awake by the crying of Izzy at the window. Sophie was lying next to me and didn't move an inch while she wailed and wailed and wailed, but then Izzy jumped into the bedroom and Sophie bolted up to go "say hi". Of course, Izzy then did an about-face and leapt back outside, knocking over the clock-radio in the process, somehow even managing to turn the radio itself on. Quite a talented kitty. I put everything back in it's place, but of course then I was really awake. I went and sat on the couch in the other room for awhile, not really doing anything, then eventually crawled back into bed. I intentionally didn't look at the clock because I didn't want to know how little sleep I was getting.

I went back home this morning and decided to take time for breakfast and coffee, even though it would get me to work late. Unfortunately in the rush, I took a big gulp of hot beverage that went down the wrong pipe and I ended doing this fabulous spit-take all over the refrigerator and the clean dishes on the drying rack. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

I did manage to bathe myself last night and even shaved, which I'm sure my lunch companions are happy to hear. I also officially signed my apartment lease and wrote this big fat check that's going to bounce. I mean, it won't actually bounce -- my bank will pay it and I'll just be in the red. For awhile. A long while. Time to put together that garage sale sooner rather than later.

But no matter what happens, I'm not selling the iPod.

It's already ready already.

I just had the strangest bit of deja vu. While standing in the illustrious men's room, thinking about putting something in the mail and whether the envelopes would fit inside of each other. I mean, I had deja vu about my thoughts in addition to what I was doing and seeing.

I have the sensation fairly regularly, maybe up to once a week, and generally it involves someone talking to me. The emotional response and the flash of familiarity is exactly the same as when I'm suddenly hit by a memory of a dream the night before, which also perplexes me because I don't have a neat explanation for deja vu. Even though I'm quite comfortable in my spiritual beliefs when it comes to dream interpretation and psychic connections and collective unconscious and the universe sending signs and gut feelings, I still don't know how I feel about this particular phenomenon, and often I'm inclined to go with the scientific explanation where it's just a brain chemical misfiring so you perceive something as familiar simultaneously while experiencing it.

Why in this case do I go the rational route rather than the mystical one? Because for some reason it suits my sense of Occam's razor. Which can't exactly be true because the whole purpose of the principle of simplicity is that it has a touch of universal meaning, where everyone could agree on what is the least number of explaining entities. So what does that even mean?

Deja vu, already seen, already experienced. Is this about past-life experiences? This doesn't make sense, because I doubt in my past life I was doing the exact same things in the same people at the same place, which is how the feeling plays out for me, and how would that even be a past-life? It's my present life. It's about the carpet being the same shade with the same stains and same person using the same intonation and the same words. If I was just repeating things from a past-life, wouldn't the conversation be taking place in a barn or in a different country or in a different language or surrounded by different bodies? So perhaps then, deja vu is more about parallel universes, or even more about experiencing nonlinear time. But does nonlinear mean you experience things multiple times or just things out of order? Can you experience them simultanesouly?

This is probably making no sense. I just meant to ask, what the hell is the purpose of having deja vu, even if I can't explain it? Because that's what gets me more -- I don't always need to know how something works, but I like to know why it's around.

[Ed. note: Before anyone else says it, let me just put it here out of sheer olbigation: yes, yes, it's a glich in the Matrix. ha ha.]

I know my dog has a journal, but I still have my limits.

I had lunch with a very exclusive group of luncheoners, sometimes known individually (and in reverse alphabetical order) as mintwaster, louche, and loosethread. Which I would have missed completely since I was wandering around about three blocks away from where they meet, but luckily I ran into Louche on the sidewalk.

Mintwaster gave me a hit of crack known as a GameBoy. Those three-second games were completely perplexing and confusing, but damn it if I wasn't immediately jonesing for more. Next time I think the lunch date should include Miller Pub and walking down to the Apple Store, since I've never been either.

I haven't heard from Extremely Forward yet, but there's still time for her to call to either plan or cancel. I decided I'm only down for coffee or dinner and no actual playing, but hopefully negotiation will occur if the vibe continues to be good. We can get together later in the month when I'll be more game, and I'm sure I'll feel more comfortable after having a conversation that lasts more than five minutes and takes place outside of a bar. That might be enough for me to makeout with someone, but it's hard to get a good read when it comes to more intense play.

Today I'm wearing my one and only western shirt and someday, someone, will make use of the fact that it's held together by snaps and not buttons. I myself have enjoyed ripping my own shirt off my chest so it's about time someone else had the pleasure as well.