I've allowed my fears to get larger than life and it's brought me to my current agenda

The subject line is courtesy of Aimee Mann who came on my ipod as I stumbled up the subway stairs this dreary Monday morning. I'm not in a bad mood, I'm just exhausted and weary. Any bits of energy in me are being used to crack jokes, which is way better then feeling sorry for myself though not as great as using it to be productive in other ways.

One side benefit of moving this slowly in body and mind is that time passes more quickly. I've already been in here an hour? I've only done two things, and apparently did them very slowly.

This weekend was a typical weekend, but I have to go back and write about Saturday evening where I went down to visit gloeden in his natural environment (versus the downtown cafes where we usually meet). I like that I have someone in my life who takes me to the bbq takeout place featured in a Kanye West video, then we go back to his house to discuss gentrification, societal views of male-on-male sexual assault, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes (r.i.p.), Wicker Park hipsters, and then watch "two girls go stark raving mod!" in a movie called Smashing Time, starring Lynn Redgrave in addition to the hardest working Brit in show business, Michael York. I had no idea he was in so many shows and movies -- I thought of him as "the Cabaret guy" and Logan, who was revived by the Austin Powers franchise. This movie was fantabulous and we're planning a non-shot-for-shot remake, becuase it could use a couple improvements. Except we're definitely keeping in the spontaneous inner monologue musical numbers.

I left to go back north and pick up Lowenstein, who called me as soon as I was outside the theater to say she would be delayed an hour. So I parked and went across the street to a diner, sat at the counter drinking coffee and eating chocolate bavarian creme pie. It was one of the smallest moments of my weekend, but it stayed with me as it was so enjoyable.

Yesterday I was productive in the personal and social and spriritual ways. I went to temple for meditation, had brunch with Lowenstein and BreadLoaf, went home and sent off my first query and did lots of reading. Later on the evening I went to The Pirate's birthday celebration at Big Wig and talked with folks I hadn't seen in person since pre-Ireland trip. I also finally got to dance, which actually I had been doing all weekend in the kitchen. The recent news of Diana Ross going to jail inspired me to pull out her greatest hits CD and serenade myself to "Touch Me in the Morning". Several times. Also, many dishes got washed to "Inside Out".

Oh, and um, we have a new apartment. Sort of. Once we get the lease in the mail. No jinxing, details to follow later.

There's nowhere that I'd rather be than with you here today

( my weekly horoscope )

I'm quite sure I have NO idea what they're talking about. None. Nope. No, sir.