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I keep getting work handed to me by attorneys, keeping me busy with small annoying projects. Didn’t they get the memo?
This day can so far be summed up as “not good, my friend.” It started last night or maybe yesterday afternoon or maybe Monday. I’ve just been in a bad pattern this week where I spend all day at work wanting to be reading and writing and working on other projects, then I get home and instead of doing all those things I’ve thought about all day, all I want to do is sit around and watch television and read fluffy magazines and turn my brain off. Or go out and see a movie or leave the house to hang out with friends or even just call friends. I forbid myself from these latter distractions, but it’s harder to keep myself from the former. So I do laundry and wash dishes and try to be productive in other ways.
I mean, I am doing things. I sent a short story publication query last night. I made a huge mistake when I did and had to sheepishly re-send it, but I figured it was better to own up to the mistake and send a corrected version then just hope they wouldn’t notice the big glaring error they obviously would. Ego checks are good in a character-building, lesson-learning sense, but not fun to actually experience. I updated my resume. I read a couple chapters. I didn’t sit around and do absolutely nothing, but my to-do list was much longer and my energy was much higher in the afternoon, then once I get home I just wanted to lie in bed and sleep. I did nap a little, then got up to work and just seemed to be moving in slow-motion.
At 9:45pm I jumped when the phone rang and ended up having a nice long conversation with Madness Librarian who I miss something fierce. I made plans to hang out with him and Kraftwerk Librarian next weekend. Afterwards I walked Sophie then read in bed and fell asleep around 11:30. I got woken up once at 1:30 by the front door and lights, then again at maybe 2 or 2:30 because of someone outside our front window started showing off how loud their car speakers could play music. I am so happy we’re moving soon.
I find myself prone to giving myself pep talks. Which I need. I’ve been allowing myself to give into inertia, so it will be a bit of an uphill battle to reverse my backwards progress in addition to moving momentum forward.
I don’t like that I’m freaking out about work I want and need to do and I have social plans this evening. I need to just let go and allow myself to have some fun and trust that not only will the tasks still be waiting for me when I get home after dinner and a movie, but that I might actually get some of them done if I come home in a good mood and energized from spending time with a friend. So I come here and write about it in the hopes of letting it go.
What I really want is to curl up on a couch and have someone pet my head.
Or taking a long walk in a quiet wooded area.
Or maybe playing GoldenEye with TheBrownHornet while listening to Supreme Clientale.
I know, those things are vastly different, but both nurturing in their own special way. And none of them will happen anytime soon, so I’ll make do with what I have in the near future.
This day can so far be summed up as “not good, my friend.” It started last night or maybe yesterday afternoon or maybe Monday. I’ve just been in a bad pattern this week where I spend all day at work wanting to be reading and writing and working on other projects, then I get home and instead of doing all those things I’ve thought about all day, all I want to do is sit around and watch television and read fluffy magazines and turn my brain off. Or go out and see a movie or leave the house to hang out with friends or even just call friends. I forbid myself from these latter distractions, but it’s harder to keep myself from the former. So I do laundry and wash dishes and try to be productive in other ways.
I mean, I am doing things. I sent a short story publication query last night. I made a huge mistake when I did and had to sheepishly re-send it, but I figured it was better to own up to the mistake and send a corrected version then just hope they wouldn’t notice the big glaring error they obviously would. Ego checks are good in a character-building, lesson-learning sense, but not fun to actually experience. I updated my resume. I read a couple chapters. I didn’t sit around and do absolutely nothing, but my to-do list was much longer and my energy was much higher in the afternoon, then once I get home I just wanted to lie in bed and sleep. I did nap a little, then got up to work and just seemed to be moving in slow-motion.
At 9:45pm I jumped when the phone rang and ended up having a nice long conversation with Madness Librarian who I miss something fierce. I made plans to hang out with him and Kraftwerk Librarian next weekend. Afterwards I walked Sophie then read in bed and fell asleep around 11:30. I got woken up once at 1:30 by the front door and lights, then again at maybe 2 or 2:30 because of someone outside our front window started showing off how loud their car speakers could play music. I am so happy we’re moving soon.
I find myself prone to giving myself pep talks. Which I need. I’ve been allowing myself to give into inertia, so it will be a bit of an uphill battle to reverse my backwards progress in addition to moving momentum forward.
I don’t like that I’m freaking out about work I want and need to do and I have social plans this evening. I need to just let go and allow myself to have some fun and trust that not only will the tasks still be waiting for me when I get home after dinner and a movie, but that I might actually get some of them done if I come home in a good mood and energized from spending time with a friend. So I come here and write about it in the hopes of letting it go.
What I really want is to curl up on a couch and have someone pet my head.
Or taking a long walk in a quiet wooded area.
Or maybe playing GoldenEye with TheBrownHornet while listening to Supreme Clientale.
I know, those things are vastly different, but both nurturing in their own special way. And none of them will happen anytime soon, so I’ll make do with what I have in the near future.
