I still haven't got over it, even now. I want to spend huge amounts of time on my own.

My MFABFF who I now call my MFA-Husband is actually someone else's husband. He and his partner went up to San Fran when they were marrying same-sex couples and they got a license. Then they planned a second ceremony where friends and family could attend, that was basically just a big wedding reception. It was yesterday. I was invited, but didn't go, because it was in Los Angeles and I'm not. But while I was making dinner, my phone, unbeknowest to me, was ringing off the hook. Two calls and a text message, from all my MFA friends who were at the wedding and calling to ask why I wasn't there and say how they miss me, and in the midst of the half-drunken declarations of how much they love Raymond, I admit, I teared up. I miss them too. And wish I was a trust fund baby who could fly out to see them once a month. Even thinking about the message right now is making my heart feel all warm and gushy.

Today I'm having a hard time finding motivation. I haven't really left the bed yet. The laptop with wireless connection is good for both enabling such behavior, but also helping get a tiny bit accomplished while indulging myself. During these moments of freelancer micro-depression (not sadness -- just feeling directionless and ambitionless), I try to tell myself to do at least one thing a day that will help bring money/work my way. So I called the university to follow up on a check I haven't received and I placed an ad on craigslist advertising tutoring services. Now I can finish reading Persepolis and then take a nap and tackle the afternoon later. I really want to go thrift store and used book shopping. That doesn't even require a trust fund, just twenty bucks to go crazy.

It was worth it just to learn some sleight of hand.

I just spent ten minutes watching this video on repeat, replicating it with my own shirt. Now that I've 'mastered' it, guess I'll go apply for that job at The Gap. Or at least get the hell out of the house for a change of scenery and a sense of perspective.