Dec. 20th, 2004

raybear: (Default)
It's no surprise that I sort of fall in love with my teachers. Especially in the beginning. I have numerous crushes that dissipate over the course of the semester. Others remain the entire time. I find this helps provide sufficient motivation to do good work when I'm struggling -- the need to have people like me can occasionally supercede frustration and lazyness and low self-worth (ah, the irony of this last one).

My new mentor is no exception, though my feelings are less 'crushy' in a quasi-sexual way and more in a guru way. I might call him Guru Jim, though I know he'd scoff at such comments. Which makes him all the more guru-like.

After his lecture on narrative at the residency, a couple people commented that they didn't like his statement about characters in fiction: "Unlike most people, I don't believe people really change." They thought this was cynical and sad. I said they didn't hear the rest of the comment. He said: people don't really change -- they just learn to live with themselves.

Of course, one could argue that in the course of learning about themselves, people can adjust their behavior and then change their motivations and what we deem "who we are". But maybe not. Maybe that's okay. That's why I love buddhism -- it's not about changing who we are, it's about embracing who we are, because when we do strip it all away, we are all enlightened, we are all buddhas.

I am still very much learning to live with myself.

May 2010

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