All is quiet on New Year's Day.

I had big plans for this day, involving bacon, eggs, coffee and a Buffy marathon on the couch. But turns out Lowenstein has to work. I know she has a trial coming up and it means working weekends but I forgot, or maybe just thought it meant Sunday, not today. So now I'm sitting here freezing in the living room, unmotivated, unshaved, uncleaned, unfed, and it's dark gray out. An inauspicious begining to a new year? Naw, let's not be pessimistic. Last night and yesterday was good though.

We started with a lazy afternoon, alternating between on the couch and making mix CDs for the party, then we got changed and went to temple for the year-end service. It was moving on so many levels: being there as an individual, with my partner, with friends. We joked in the car afterwards, comparing how many times we all cried or got misty-eyed. The party at Louche's was lively and fun and there was a special surprise guest that floored me a little but I recovered. Maybe. Sometimes I think I'll never fully process that situation, I'll just slowly forget piece by piece. But anyway, the rest of the party was fine and dandy, lord it's like a hard candy christmas...oh, sorry got offtrack. I didn't have too many intense conversations -- I mostly just danced a lot. Did a few shots of tequila but never really got drunk. Smoked a lot of cigarettes. Had a lovely moment at midnight with my beloved. Danced, danced some more. Then I peaked and wanted to leave. I usually like to leave parties right after the high point, not wait until my own energy starts dragging or the people around me get too drunk or sleepy or half-hearted in attempts. Probably because I'm an emotional junkie and being around so many people at once in party situations, I feed off of everything and get drained.

I burned my defilements last night at temple but I'm feeling like I need to burn some more this morning. Ok, I need to stop loitering online and do something that will make me feel good.

It's like the game ain't the same.

Why is it dark already?? I'm still not dressed. I did wash dishes. I made a phone call. I've corresponded a couple times with a guy from a personal ad which has been fun. I got a couple kind offers to hangout, from drinkasyoupour and vfc, but I just couldn't really bear to leave the house. It made me daydream briefly about my dream neighborhood/commune, and how everyone would live within three blocks of me. I even designed a whole LJ dream neighborhood. Hey, I was washing dishes, it helped pass the time.

The other day I was thinking that I haven't been listening to much hip hop lately, except for the pop-y dance stuff on the radio. I wanted to hear some grittier older stuff. No, not "old school", technically, but from that other golden age of hip-hop, the mid-90s. So I made a mix called "Happy New Year....1995" , in honor of the decade mark. It started off as sort of best-of 1995, but then I changed it to more best of 1994, as if it was New Year's Day 1995. Except, I cheated a little, and a couple songs ARE from 1995. And couple are from 1993. But anyway, ( here it is: )

Listening to it me makes me very happy. If a little nostalgic. Not necessarily for 1995, but for five years ago, in my weird Evanston apartment, playing nonstop GoldenEye and HydroThunder and Virtua Fighter with thebrownhornet and listening to cassette tapes. Remember those?

I think my self five years ago would be pretty impressed with who I am today. That's a good New Year's thought.