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I took a nap this afternoon, Andy Capp-style. (On the couch, on my side, facing the cushions.) I had sleep paralysis again. It seems to happen most often when napping on couches in afternoons. And when overtired and not getting enough sleep at night. This time it led to lucid dreaming that started off as a re-creation of a scene from Ghost World, but then the characters changed and suddenly I was in the midst of witnessing two strange people in an intense sex- and drug- fueled scene with exquisite details that were hot and fcked up. I woke up and wrote it down as best I could with my sleepy fingers. So now I have 3.5 pages of fiction written. 96.5 more to go.
I went to temple this morning but only heard maybe ten words of the dharma talk because she was so quiet in her speech and I was sitting far away and near a heating vent. But afterwards I did register for the meditation course which starts on Tuesday. I've been wanting to do this course for a while, for over a year, and this was a perfect alignment of scheduling, commitment and funds. I know it's strange, but I wanted to spend some time sitting on my own before I even learned the basics. Plus, completion of this course is part of the membership requirement, and we want to commit to being members soon. I made the decision a few weeks ago to sign up this session (they offer it every two months) and I've been sticking it in my brain since. Of course, yesterday, I had a moment of doubt where I started to talk myself into not doing it, to wait until "next time". It was the voice of that beast of naysaying, who raises it's ugly head often when I'm either 90% done with a project or one step away from making the first step in a big project, the animal that feeds on my self-doubt and eats away my self-confidence and find stability in things never changing, never moving forward, insisting that immobility and inertia are the safest, best options, for there's supposedly no risk of failure there.
I can't quite slay this beast yet. But I did manage to ignore it and fill out the registration form and write the check this morning anymore.
I went to temple this morning but only heard maybe ten words of the dharma talk because she was so quiet in her speech and I was sitting far away and near a heating vent. But afterwards I did register for the meditation course which starts on Tuesday. I've been wanting to do this course for a while, for over a year, and this was a perfect alignment of scheduling, commitment and funds. I know it's strange, but I wanted to spend some time sitting on my own before I even learned the basics. Plus, completion of this course is part of the membership requirement, and we want to commit to being members soon. I made the decision a few weeks ago to sign up this session (they offer it every two months) and I've been sticking it in my brain since. Of course, yesterday, I had a moment of doubt where I started to talk myself into not doing it, to wait until "next time". It was the voice of that beast of naysaying, who raises it's ugly head often when I'm either 90% done with a project or one step away from making the first step in a big project, the animal that feeds on my self-doubt and eats away my self-confidence and find stability in things never changing, never moving forward, insisting that immobility and inertia are the safest, best options, for there's supposedly no risk of failure there.
I can't quite slay this beast yet. But I did manage to ignore it and fill out the registration form and write the check this morning anymore.
