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Can I get an encore? Do you want more?
Mar. 30th, 2005 12:33 pmTen years later and I'm still sitting by the window in the Northwestern library, killing time and thinking about my plans to stalk a professor I have a crush on. Maybe it's true: people don't change, they just grow accustomed to their nature.
And "stalk" is kind of a strong word here. I mean, it's a visiting faculty mentor from my school who's teaching here this quarter. She knows I'm around and planning on taking her out in the city, and that I wanted to audit her class this spring. I just decided to track down the class location and time myself, to show up tomorrow and surprise her. When I start making plans to kidnap small dogs for ransoms, then we can talk about stalking.
I can't really bring myself to go to other darker parts of the library to make copies, but I will eventually. It's bad enough to be indoors when it's sunny and warm out. I very rarely complained about the weather ever this winter. I mean, yeah, sometimes it was really cold and I talked about it. But I tried not to curse or gnash my teeth or beg for spring's arrival. So now it feels so sweet and gentle and I'm wholly appreciated of all the work it took to get here.
Yesterday was this amazing Tuesday that made completely happy that I don't have to work in the same way I used to. I had lunch with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
magdalene1 and we ate Dixie Kitchen and drove up and down the lake shore. Then I went to the store and got inspired to buy seeds. Then I came home and spent the afternoon assisting in cleaning the house and then I decided to rake up the backyard. I'm gonna freakin' garden. Seriously. I'm going to paint my office and plant herbs and flowers and cook cheap but delicious meals and get my bike tuned up to ride everywhere and.....I love my idle life. I do work. Like right now, after I end this journal entry. And I will later start preparing to teach my first college lit class -- I'm a secret substitute at Columbia College for Mr. T who's off to Ireland for two weeks. I finished reading a book and will write a review this weekend. I think part of my mental withdrawl lately is because there's some stuff brewing in me that I need to write out, another chapter or so. But I love that I can spend an afternoon lying in the grass, or in a bed, alone or with someone else, or with a book, and it's my time. My life. Sure, I don't always have a reliable income and paying rent can sometime loom over me like the boogeyman in the dark. Sure, I have no health insurance. Sure, all my clothes and household items come from thrift stores. I've made choices and intentionally took control of my life and there are some consequences, mostly fiscal in nature. But none of that is my real life. And it's all accceptable risk right now in my book. Once Maslow's pyramid starts to lose it's foundation, I might change my mind. But hopefully I'll just remember these moments.
And "stalk" is kind of a strong word here. I mean, it's a visiting faculty mentor from my school who's teaching here this quarter. She knows I'm around and planning on taking her out in the city, and that I wanted to audit her class this spring. I just decided to track down the class location and time myself, to show up tomorrow and surprise her. When I start making plans to kidnap small dogs for ransoms, then we can talk about stalking.
I can't really bring myself to go to other darker parts of the library to make copies, but I will eventually. It's bad enough to be indoors when it's sunny and warm out. I very rarely complained about the weather ever this winter. I mean, yeah, sometimes it was really cold and I talked about it. But I tried not to curse or gnash my teeth or beg for spring's arrival. So now it feels so sweet and gentle and I'm wholly appreciated of all the work it took to get here.
Yesterday was this amazing Tuesday that made completely happy that I don't have to work in the same way I used to. I had lunch with
magdalene1 and we ate Dixie Kitchen and drove up and down the lake shore. Then I went to the store and got inspired to buy seeds. Then I came home and spent the afternoon assisting in cleaning the house and then I decided to rake up the backyard. I'm gonna freakin' garden. Seriously. I'm going to paint my office and plant herbs and flowers and cook cheap but delicious meals and get my bike tuned up to ride everywhere and.....I love my idle life. I do work. Like right now, after I end this journal entry. And I will later start preparing to teach my first college lit class -- I'm a secret substitute at Columbia College for Mr. T who's off to Ireland for two weeks. I finished reading a book and will write a review this weekend. I think part of my mental withdrawl lately is because there's some stuff brewing in me that I need to write out, another chapter or so. But I love that I can spend an afternoon lying in the grass, or in a bed, alone or with someone else, or with a book, and it's my time. My life. Sure, I don't always have a reliable income and paying rent can sometime loom over me like the boogeyman in the dark. Sure, I have no health insurance. Sure, all my clothes and household items come from thrift stores. I've made choices and intentionally took control of my life and there are some consequences, mostly fiscal in nature. But none of that is my real life. And it's all accceptable risk right now in my book. Once Maslow's pyramid starts to lose it's foundation, I might change my mind. But hopefully I'll just remember these moments.
