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I've written 15 pages in less than 24 hours, nearly 5,000 words, and this is supposed to be the part of the day where I rest and do things like watch tv, sleep, read, go for a walk, make phone calls, whatever, just not keep writing, so that I can reset my eyes and brain and revise my isht before I send it off in the morning. Except I feel tethered to the computer, I can't stop sitting here and even when I'm not, I'm thinking of things to write or add. I want to work on my road trip zine or finish one short story or start a different one or go back and add a scene now to my chapter before the revision. Slow down, brain, take a rest. I took Sophie for a walk but I think I was gone all of 15 minutes before I found myself back in the house.
Or I'm busy feeling all shaken up by the unfortunate incident with our neighbors last night, involving lots of drunken screaming and nonstop crying and then belligerence and ingratitude when we went downstairs to make sure everything was ok. If your neighbors are knocking on your door at 3 am, don't act like its a coincidence and that they are somehow just being nosy. Bitch, please, I was too drunk and asleep to be nosy, and frankly you being an asshole guy to us in the doorway just reaffirmed our assessment that something fcked up was happening. I didn't have much compassion last night and I don't have much more today. I have problems with grudges.
I also have problems with that residual skin-crawling feeling and anxiety after there's some sort of traumatic incident. It happens all the time with me -- fights, car wrecks, accidents, whenever it's something jolting and possibly terrifying, I do okay in the moment, fairly level-headed and in control and sometimes even smart. I do pretty well in the moment of emergency. Then afterwards it takes me a long time to come down from the adrenaline rush and stop replaying the memories. This was fairly mild -- I mean, I'm not the one who screamed my head off then locked myself in a bathroom crying -- but I've still had moments this morning when I couldn't shake it all off, even in the afternoon light.
I also realized I'm currently highly caffeinated. This could play a part.
Or I'm busy feeling all shaken up by the unfortunate incident with our neighbors last night, involving lots of drunken screaming and nonstop crying and then belligerence and ingratitude when we went downstairs to make sure everything was ok. If your neighbors are knocking on your door at 3 am, don't act like its a coincidence and that they are somehow just being nosy. Bitch, please, I was too drunk and asleep to be nosy, and frankly you being an asshole guy to us in the doorway just reaffirmed our assessment that something fcked up was happening. I didn't have much compassion last night and I don't have much more today. I have problems with grudges.
I also have problems with that residual skin-crawling feeling and anxiety after there's some sort of traumatic incident. It happens all the time with me -- fights, car wrecks, accidents, whenever it's something jolting and possibly terrifying, I do okay in the moment, fairly level-headed and in control and sometimes even smart. I do pretty well in the moment of emergency. Then afterwards it takes me a long time to come down from the adrenaline rush and stop replaying the memories. This was fairly mild -- I mean, I'm not the one who screamed my head off then locked myself in a bathroom crying -- but I've still had moments this morning when I couldn't shake it all off, even in the afternoon light.
I also realized I'm currently highly caffeinated. This could play a part.
