On the beach.

grandpa ray
Originally uploaded by -xta.

Photo by louche. Twilight at Lake Michigan, in my outfit. Shortly after this photo was taken, I took off all my clothes and jumped into the water.

I want to hold you in the bible-black pre-dawn

I've been sick since last night, not super ill, but just a cold such that I'm flooded with phlegm in my head and a little achey. It started in the middle of the night when I was having feverish type dreams and was resistant to anything touching me, whether it was dog, person, sheets, even the pillow was reluctantly accepted to be on my skin, since I needed it to be comfortable. I didn't go to work, I called the temp agency and took allergy medication and went back to sleep and stumbled awake around 11:30 to eat, make work calls, watched a short movie, went back to sleep around 1:30 and just woke up again. I had lots and lots of dreams and wanted to write them down, but lucky you, I can't remember. I could almost go back to sleep. But I think instead I'll do some work, shower and clear out my head to go to film group.

I rewatched Tadpole, and its still true, seeing it years later, that if I had been born to rich intellectuals in NYC, that movie would have been highly autobiographical, in a lawsuit way. I mean, I also didn't actually have sex with my mom's friends. But still. It was touch and go there for a second, and perhaps if I wasn't a girl at the time. That's strange.

Last night I also watched the movie Proof which I didn't hate. Jake was like the old Jake, and Gwyneth wasn't totally Gwyneth, and I thought it was pretty impressive how it managed to make math seem super exciting and sexy to non-math people, mostly by not revealing it. But there were also some things about living with mental illness and caretaking and whatnot. Nothing bold, nothing radical. Then again, maybe I just liked it because it took place in Chicago and I like any movie set here and nothing seemed glaringly wrong except for the Northwestern Math Department building, and also, it's not a 30 minute drive from Hyde Park to Evanston.

I need to cut my hair. And clean up and leave the house to see people. Though maybe this last one is overrated. I've thoroughly enjoyed every second cocooned away in the house, backyard, and stores in the immediate area. But it's back to work tomorrow.