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It's 8:00 am and I'm trying not to burn my toast this time (the toaster died and I'm using the broiler and I'm out of the habit so I tend to forget and leave it to long) and listening to "Raybear V.1" which came in the mail from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sharkysmachine. I am hungry and tired. Last night I was at Trader Joe's and I normally eshew the mandatory chit-chat with the coporate-encouraged extra friendly cashier, but it seemed so soothing, I couldn't help myself. I think because he said "how has your week been?" and I paused an inordinately long time at the question because I was confused as to why he was talking like it was the end of the week. Then I remembered, oh, it's Friday. I'm still thrown off by Thursday, where I woke up in Long Island and drove through NYC and New Jersey, and all of Pennsylvania, which is an exceedingly long state. I saw possibly the most beautiful sunset of my life driving through the mountains on the western side (Poconos?), then on through Ohio and Indiana and I almost didn't make it, but right around Gary, the ipod cut out and we switched to radio and it was a Chicago hip hop station's Throwback Thursday" and they played Mobb Deep's "It's Mine", and seriously, it saved my day, and possible our lives in the car, since I was driving. I also channeled thebrownhornet in that moment which aided me.
Christmas was good. Ate impossible amounts of food. Played lots of games. Everyone enjoyed my homemade candy. No tense or awkward moments. Slept late, read, took a walk. Felt grateful for in-laws and the person who brought me to them.
On the drive home, during a moment of exhausted compulsion in trying to stay awake and motivated, DYA called the home phone to check messages and my dad called. We got home and he'd also sent a card and gift, i.e. a check to buy a shirt, underwear and socks (as the card semi-instructed). It's hard to describe the voicemail. While listening, I was fixated most on how he sounded, it had been so long since I heard his voice, yet it was so utterly familiar, like a song the radio that you haven't heard in 8 years but you can sing every word. The other part that pleased me was his mention that he knew I was out of town for for the weekend. I was impressed he remembered my e-mail from last month telling him that, since paying attention is something obviously lack in our relationship. DYA pointed out that he called me Ray and he said he loved me. I said the love part wasn't the problem. They've never said they didn't love me. In fact the often say it, though it's always immediately followed by a "but", whether literally or just through the actions of their inaction. But the name thing, I'll take that. Steps forward, steps back. It's a slow game. I will call him later.
But not today! Today I am preparing for tonight where I will taste six different wines and rum punch and eat cheese and stuffed mushrooms and bacon-wrapped dates.
sharkysmachine. I am hungry and tired. Last night I was at Trader Joe's and I normally eshew the mandatory chit-chat with the coporate-encouraged extra friendly cashier, but it seemed so soothing, I couldn't help myself. I think because he said "how has your week been?" and I paused an inordinately long time at the question because I was confused as to why he was talking like it was the end of the week. Then I remembered, oh, it's Friday. I'm still thrown off by Thursday, where I woke up in Long Island and drove through NYC and New Jersey, and all of Pennsylvania, which is an exceedingly long state. I saw possibly the most beautiful sunset of my life driving through the mountains on the western side (Poconos?), then on through Ohio and Indiana and I almost didn't make it, but right around Gary, the ipod cut out and we switched to radio and it was a Chicago hip hop station's Throwback Thursday" and they played Mobb Deep's "It's Mine", and seriously, it saved my day, and possible our lives in the car, since I was driving. I also channeled thebrownhornet in that moment which aided me.Christmas was good. Ate impossible amounts of food. Played lots of games. Everyone enjoyed my homemade candy. No tense or awkward moments. Slept late, read, took a walk. Felt grateful for in-laws and the person who brought me to them.
On the drive home, during a moment of exhausted compulsion in trying to stay awake and motivated, DYA called the home phone to check messages and my dad called. We got home and he'd also sent a card and gift, i.e. a check to buy a shirt, underwear and socks (as the card semi-instructed). It's hard to describe the voicemail. While listening, I was fixated most on how he sounded, it had been so long since I heard his voice, yet it was so utterly familiar, like a song the radio that you haven't heard in 8 years but you can sing every word. The other part that pleased me was his mention that he knew I was out of town for for the weekend. I was impressed he remembered my e-mail from last month telling him that, since paying attention is something obviously lack in our relationship. DYA pointed out that he called me Ray and he said he loved me. I said the love part wasn't the problem. They've never said they didn't love me. In fact the often say it, though it's always immediately followed by a "but", whether literally or just through the actions of their inaction. But the name thing, I'll take that. Steps forward, steps back. It's a slow game. I will call him later.
But not today! Today I am preparing for tonight where I will taste six different wines and rum punch and eat cheese and stuffed mushrooms and bacon-wrapped dates.
