Play with my emotions, you get no devotion.

I opened up this Thing - the amorphous 'thing' that is frequently reference in nonspecific talks about brains and hearts and psychological histories - last week and have been taking things out one by one and it hasn't killed me yet, but I'm pretty tired of it now. It's probably no accident I went and got addicted to a video game (Bully, for those who are curious, and yes, I've been making him kiss the boys all day) because its an excellent way to pass the time while somewhat checking out, somewhat enjoying myself. That has been my schedule for the past two days -- get up in the morning, write about The Thing, feel like isht, play video games for several hours in a row, go to work. Today, I forgot to eat lunch. I didn't realize until I was about to leave the house in the mid-afternoon and it was too late. Previously this would have made me panic a little, as I'm hyper-maintenancey about the blood sugar thing, but it hasn't been a problem lately, I've been feeling like I'm eating too much, too often. I don't mean like, in a judgemental way of caloric intake, I mean just authentically physically feeling do not feel need to eat but I did it anyway and afterwards I felt overfull. And this is at mealtimes, after not haven eaten for several hours. I'm not sure what is up with my body right now, but I suppose I'll go with it. Because really, what else can you do? Perhaps it is another symptom SAMe? I am currently on day 8.

But dinner is being served here at work at 15 minutes and its just in time, I'm starting to actually have growly noises in my stomach. I haven't eaten since 8 am! But no headache, no sluggish. Maybe not even crankinees, but its hard to gauge that one today, as other emotions have been vying for my attention. I did manage to have a 20 minute nap/liedown before work and in the middle of it, I had this lovely wave of relaxation and near-delirium, mixed with immense compassion and love and forgiveness and acceptance and clarity that just washed over me. And everything was perfectly okay with the world. And me. I was perfect. It felt like I took some sort of drug. But I didn't. It was purely dream-induced. Which is nice because it's free and perhaps doesn't do as much wear and tear on the body, but bad because I can't just call someone up and get more of it.