We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.

I just sent someone an e-mail saying I didn't want to go on a date with him. We haven't even been on a date yet, we've only chatted online a few times, but I figured, ok, breathe, let's do the forward, direct, courteous thing and just tell him. That isht is hard for me. It really kinda freaks me out when someone is more into me than I am into them. It also has hard for me to assert what I want and have that be ok. I just freeze up and get all panicky. Its sort of a hilarious reaction to think about in this situation, because what is he going to do, force me to go on a date with him? But we're not talking logic, we're talking emotions here, so even after I sent the very careful but simple three line e-mail, I immediately worried what he would say or do, which is ridiculous because that answer is 99.9% likely to be 'nothing'. I mean, ok, he could write back, and he might, and that will fall into 3 categories: 1) that's a bummer, thanks for letting me know; 2) that's a bummer and you're missing out for blowing me off!; 3) you're a [lots of expletives]. Wait, I guess a fourth option is he might write back and ask "is it something I said" and ask for clarification but note to self: DON'T LET ME REPLY. And maybe these e-mails will make me feel guilty and question my worth as a judge of character, but really, I think I'm finally ready to get over that.

There are a lot of things I'm finally ready to get over lately, I think, most of them related to issues of confidence and awareness of myself and acceptance. Though what I'm realizing is that many of these things, I had before, but then they kinda got eroded in these obscured and unexpected ways over the years.

Ok, I just went into my e-mail to look something I'm going to cut-and-paste here and he already wrote me back. It said "fair enough. take care." See, self? That wasn't so hard. Crisis averted.

So, nearly 2 weeks ago, sebastian6 posed some questions to me and I'm finally getting around to addressing them here. They've been rattling around in my brain a bit, though I'm not sure you'll be able to tell, as I'm just going to freewrite my answers, I don't have anything I'm prepared to say (I feel like blogging is really one or the other -- its a fully formed quasi-essay in my head that I'm anxious to sit and type out, or its just a meandering, organic thought parade.
( mythology )

tracijean also gave me a writing challenge but I need a minute to work on that one before I post it.

In Other News^TM, I'm going to Ragdale!!! I just got a phone message announcing my acceptance!!!!!!!