That ice-cold daydream took me for an ugly ride.

I just realized that I'm drinking my favorite citrus power beverage (fresh juice of 1 grapefruit, 2 oranges, 1 lime, 1 lemon and 1 tablespoon of agave nectar), eating a piece of organic multigrain locally-produced wheatbread toast with avocado smeared on top, and listening to Shuggie Otis. All of these things happened individually and unconsciously, which sort of makes it more scary. I have been infected by California for real.

I watched The World According to Garp and that movie was weird. It was like a biopic of a fictional person. I know that sounds strange and could potentially describe the majority of movies, but I'm thinking specifically of the biopic formula which is the movie opening when the protagonist is born and then ends when they die as an adult. I found Robin Williams wildly inconsistent as an actor, sometimes really being great and other times being Robin Williams. And John Lithgow as Roberta wasn't horrible. I mean, she embodied some of the stereotypical ideas of transwomen (and feminine women), but on the other hand, she is shown playing football and there were no jokes about breaking nails, she interacts great with the kids and is treated as an aunt, no one in the movie ever called her by the wrong name or pronoun, and she didn't end up arrested, violated or dead. I'll take it.

The joy of repetition really is in you

Random Body Change Observation of last week: my armpits are more muscular.
The observation of today: my elbows have more pointy parts.

A couple weeks ago I bought a full bottle of cologne from my dealer, Lucky Scent. I think this might become the 'signature scent', i.e. the one I wear most everyday, and also maybe the one I don't tell people what it is. But then again, I might just be embarrassed because of the extreme ridiculous colonialist designed cap on the bottle that this French company uses. Bottles with bay rum or gin, they love to put some imperialist images, don't they? Luckily its just the outer cap so I threw it in the garbage this morning. With my purchase, I requested any CB I Hate Perfume samples they had. I've come to terms that CB-IHP doesn't live up to the overall hype, but there are still things to smell there. And I was so thrilled that the three vials they sent were all things I was most curious about: In the Library, Russian Caravan Tea, Patchouli Empire (aw damn, there's that word). In The Library did NOT impress me at first, I was just like whatever, its Demeter's "Paperback" which I already have, just with slightly less 'grandmother's dusty perfume' notes. But today I did a direct comparison, Paperback first, and I realized whoa, In the Library is way more complicated, I totally underestimated it. Now I have a crush on it. Which will soon be squashed when it abandons my skin after an hour, I'm sure.

I was wary about Patchouli Empire, because I recently tried the CdG 'true' patchouli scent and it made me kinda nauseous. But this one is nice, more woody, more the faint hint of new age book stores and yoga shops, the part that smells good before it gets totally overwhelming and heady. Russian Caravan Tea smells so much like my mother's skin products, its uncanny. Like the mix of jergen's hand lotion and dish soap and laundry detergent. A sort of clean scent like aloe vera. I know this one is on anjibobanji's short list, so I plan to wear it as the fellow scent-addict's equivalent of internet *hugs*.

Speaking of mothers, yesterday I found a card for mine and sent it off. I am so proud of myself for doing this, and not just for the complicated relationship reasons, but just because I can be so horribly bad about mailing things in a timely fashion. I dropped it in the magic post box downtown, so I'm thinking it'll get there on Friday, or Saturday at the latest. There's a significant chance she can read a mother's day card ON mother's day! Astounding. I also wrote a message inside that I feel good about. I've been thinking lately more holistically about what my parents have given me, how they have informed me and created me in ways I forget. And looking at myself, my sense of being kind, gentle, patient and respectful have come directly from my mom. I've spent a lot of time looking at the hard parts that have arisen from these qualities taken to an extreme (by becoming silence and paralysis), but I don't often look at the good parts. So I said something to that effect in the card. Well, just the part about thanking her for those traits, not the other processy part. I'll probably call on Sunday too. I'm actually somewhat motivated though after a conversation at Stanley's last weekend, I'm curious to know what my mother craved while she was pregnant with me and whether that informed my own preferences. I had initially thought of two things I frequently eat, chocolate and bananas. But now I'm thinking that my bet would be chocolate/peanut combinations.

Perhaps this is how I should approach all my phone interactions with my parents -- set up talking points and an information goal.