always coming late if they come at all
Jun. 25th, 2002 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearSo, I'm reading some random account of someone's life. And they describe the guy their dating, saying he's the best they've known and "treats [them] well and he doesn't yell or hit me."
The phrase just leaped out at me and couldn't even keep reading with any amount of concentration. I mean, I don't even think I could label someone not hitting me as "a good thing" -- it's more of a required thing, or a "not bad" thing. But I hope that the person I'm with has more good qualities beyond their ability to not engage in violent behavior.
Suppose I'm just having a moment of realization of how different people's lives and experiences and perspectives can be.
I'm lucky enough that I've never been in an intimate relationship with someone who hit me, yet at times I've been surrounded by people in my life who were or are in that situation. It's part of the reason I decided to go through the intense 50-hour state certification training to volunteer with domestic violence victims and survivors. After I completed the training I feel like it started happening even more often -- from close friends to acquaintances would reveal situations where they're partner was violent and/or abusive.
I don't even know if I'm a good person to talk to about the subject, because I fear I react to vehemently, which gets read as quick judgment. In reality it's more about fear that it will escalate to a much riskier situation even while I'm standing there talking to the person confessing their situation to me. As if the threat is occuring right at that moment if I don't start listing every possible option as well as every possible reason to get out and throw in a dash of support and empathy, then the person will magically be hospitalized as soon as they turn their back to me.
Or maybe it's because she got shot in the face by her stepdad while trying to defend her little brother.
I don't really have a savior complex in this area. But I do have a story that I tell, and I guess I realize that's all I can really do anyway -- share the few pieces of information I have because I didn't have them before to give. So now I probably tend to just vomit out this huge catalog of knowledge with the hopes that something I spit out will fit the situation and possibly prove helpful.
Reading that piece though makes me realize I'm out of the habit. After finally convincing an old friend of mine to leave her abusive girlfriend even if it meant mobing back in with her parents, I haven't encountered as many people in my life who share the issue with me. Maybe I've paid off some perceived karmic debt, so I no longer attract the situation. But I suppose I'm still prepared.
The phrase just leaped out at me and couldn't even keep reading with any amount of concentration. I mean, I don't even think I could label someone not hitting me as "a good thing" -- it's more of a required thing, or a "not bad" thing. But I hope that the person I'm with has more good qualities beyond their ability to not engage in violent behavior.
Suppose I'm just having a moment of realization of how different people's lives and experiences and perspectives can be.
I'm lucky enough that I've never been in an intimate relationship with someone who hit me, yet at times I've been surrounded by people in my life who were or are in that situation. It's part of the reason I decided to go through the intense 50-hour state certification training to volunteer with domestic violence victims and survivors. After I completed the training I feel like it started happening even more often -- from close friends to acquaintances would reveal situations where they're partner was violent and/or abusive.
I don't even know if I'm a good person to talk to about the subject, because I fear I react to vehemently, which gets read as quick judgment. In reality it's more about fear that it will escalate to a much riskier situation even while I'm standing there talking to the person confessing their situation to me. As if the threat is occuring right at that moment if I don't start listing every possible option as well as every possible reason to get out and throw in a dash of support and empathy, then the person will magically be hospitalized as soon as they turn their back to me.
Or maybe it's because she got shot in the face by her stepdad while trying to defend her little brother.
I don't really have a savior complex in this area. But I do have a story that I tell, and I guess I realize that's all I can really do anyway -- share the few pieces of information I have because I didn't have them before to give. So now I probably tend to just vomit out this huge catalog of knowledge with the hopes that something I spit out will fit the situation and possibly prove helpful.
Reading that piece though makes me realize I'm out of the habit. After finally convincing an old friend of mine to leave her abusive girlfriend even if it meant mobing back in with her parents, I haven't encountered as many people in my life who share the issue with me. Maybe I've paid off some perceived karmic debt, so I no longer attract the situation. But I suppose I'm still prepared.
