turn and cough
Aug. 8th, 2002 04:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearAnnoying Intern left without saying goodbye, for the most part. To quote the attorney, "she had problems with following directions." And apparantly she was also very much in love with herself, since she was often extremely selfish and self-important in every conversation I had with her, plus her girlfriend was an exact replica of her. I may like having sex with myself, but that's taking it too far.
I survived my doctor's appointment, and the next time I go is on Hallowee for a full physical. I suppose this means I'll have to drop my pants -- note to self: wear clean, unstained undershorts.
He did some feeling around today as usual -- checking my breath with the stethoscope, pressing into my liver, pounding on my rib cage. And then I had to drop trousers partially for the nurse to get my injection. I always feel strange about taking off my clothes in the doctor's office, of course, but not necessarily because of my self-consciousness about my body. It's more about how their reacting to me -- acting very demure, not looking directly at me, always working quickly and turning away immediately while I readjust my pants or tuck my binding undershirt in. I mean, it's not like I want them to gawk or stare excessively, but sometimes there overzealousness in 'not looking' almost makes me feel ashamed. Like I should feel awkard about showing off my surgery-needing chest or fat ass or round belly or whatever. And sure, I have some parts of my body I'm hoping to change in the next couple years, but as of right now I don't think I look that hideous or anything. I guess I just want some sort of matter-of-fact middle ground, though I suppose I'd rather have my medical professionals err on the side they're already on.
I still can't look at the needle entering my arm. I can watch it happen on someone else, and I can be present in the physical sensation, but I can't watch the piercing of my skin. I get close, but I always turn away. Why push myself and risk fainting, I guess, since so far I've never flinched or moved or passed out and I don't care to start. But it's strange to have such a minute isolate phobia -- I can look at the vial actually fill with blood and see the needle be inside of me and watch it get pulled out. I just can't do that first step.
In other unrelated news, I'm still on the hunt for a possible "men's group" of some sort.
I survived my doctor's appointment, and the next time I go is on Hallowee for a full physical. I suppose this means I'll have to drop my pants -- note to self: wear clean, unstained undershorts.
He did some feeling around today as usual -- checking my breath with the stethoscope, pressing into my liver, pounding on my rib cage. And then I had to drop trousers partially for the nurse to get my injection. I always feel strange about taking off my clothes in the doctor's office, of course, but not necessarily because of my self-consciousness about my body. It's more about how their reacting to me -- acting very demure, not looking directly at me, always working quickly and turning away immediately while I readjust my pants or tuck my binding undershirt in. I mean, it's not like I want them to gawk or stare excessively, but sometimes there overzealousness in 'not looking' almost makes me feel ashamed. Like I should feel awkard about showing off my surgery-needing chest or fat ass or round belly or whatever. And sure, I have some parts of my body I'm hoping to change in the next couple years, but as of right now I don't think I look that hideous or anything. I guess I just want some sort of matter-of-fact middle ground, though I suppose I'd rather have my medical professionals err on the side they're already on.
I still can't look at the needle entering my arm. I can watch it happen on someone else, and I can be present in the physical sensation, but I can't watch the piercing of my skin. I get close, but I always turn away. Why push myself and risk fainting, I guess, since so far I've never flinched or moved or passed out and I don't care to start. But it's strange to have such a minute isolate phobia -- I can look at the vial actually fill with blood and see the needle be inside of me and watch it get pulled out. I just can't do that first step.
In other unrelated news, I'm still on the hunt for a possible "men's group" of some sort.
