raybear | It's only October. It's too early for this kind of stress.

Thinking about Christmas makes me want to cry. Why do I have so much damned attachment? It's not so much that my traditions growing up were so great that I'm determined to recreate them for the rest of my life, but....I'm almost tempted to blame it on tv and movies. Sometimes it's not so much that I want to act out the traditions -- I just want to watch other people experience them vicariously. Strange, I know.

I'm looking at flights for the holidays. I'm not sure about doing both Vegas and San Fran -- a lot of money not only on planes but also at the actual locations. I might just have to do one and not both. Maybe Shana will let me stay on her new big bed for a whole week and I'll just fly in on Xmas Day and fly out on January 1st, skipping Vegas all together.

(The idea of being on a plane or in the airport on December 25th is sort of appealing. I can't exactly explain it in a way that's not overly sentimental or accurate.)

At least I know if I stay in Chicago again I'll have a good time (and people with whom to spend time).

I also have the option of going home with MelRo in December (I'm already going for Thanksgiving). I haven't completely ruled that out I guess, but the idea seems a bit daunting. I love being around her family for holiday type activities (so far I've done Easter and Thanksgiving) since I'm missing it in my own birth family. (Plus, it's less stressful when you're not actually related to them.) But it might be too much to spend Christmas as well -- I'll be more aware of what I'm missing in my own blood clan.

Maybe I just need to stop. I need to stop making my parents the focal point of family activities and make myself the focal point. This is easier for me when spending time with chosen family (i.e. friends-family aka true family) and a little harder when doing it with "in-law" type family.