Hate to say I told you so.

[raybear]

I may become Don Quixote battling windmills for the rest of my life, but I refuse to get off my horse when it comes to two issues. Both of these I written about before, so I won't go into lengthy detail, but don't think it's easy to resist this temptation. They are both linguistic peeves.

Factoid
Miss Miriam Webster is here to inform you that the meaning of factoid is NOT little fact, or trival fact, or small fact. No matter what CNN tells you. Instead, it means: "A piece of unverified or inaccurate information that is presented in the press as factual, often as part of a publicity effort, and that is then accepted as true because of frequent repetition." [Courtesy of www.dictionary.com] Therefore, the common assumption of what factoid means, is in fact, a factoid. Another example of this phenomenon is the factoid of lemmings commiting mass suicide over a cliff as part of their "nature". In reality, a Disney filmmaker induced a mass suicide on film with his crew and filmed it as part of a documentary (For more info, go here: http://www.snopes.com/disney/films/lemmings.htm). The image and idea has been repeated so much we assume it to be correct. To be honest, the use of this as a metaphor doesn't bother me since most folks understand the implication, but it's certainly not a true biological phenomenon.

Ghetto
I know I revist this topic every six months or so, but like I said, it's a never-ending quest. Let me just give you the short version. Don't say "ghetto" when you mean "cheap". Just say cheap. Or shoddy. Or craptastic. Also, don't call anything hip-hop related "ghetto", or worse, "ghetto fabulous". Don't call anything criminally-related "ghetto". In general, just stick to using ghetto as a noun and never an adjective. And if you don't or have never lived in one, perhaps it's just best to keep the word out of your mouth all together.


Please adjust your vocabulary accordingly. Thank you for your attention to this matter.



I was going through some older entries, just to see where I was two years ago, a year ago, six months ago, etc., but also hunting for some pieces I might want to edit and re-work and broaden. Of course I read lots of things that could have been written today, or at least they have some potent meaning to me and I'm happy I wrote them to myself.

[Also, almost exactly a year ago Sophie came to live with me -- I'm amused at some of the ideas I had for her name, including Bjork, Jesus, Buddha, Anya, Woadie, as well as Damon's suggestions which included 'Enry 'Iggins, Burberry, Coppertop and Bling-blouw.]
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You know that one person you were desperately in love with and believed they were your soulmate? You wanted to be with them no matter how many times they lied, cheated, ignored, or abused you? Remember how powerful that feeling of near unconditional love? How you were willing to accept them back and be with them no matter what's occured?

Eventually you learn you're delusional.

But I aspire to have that power of feeling towards my partner.
Only instead of heartbreaks and lies and delusions, she'll bring me honesty and truth and discussions and respect.
[June 2002 -- writing about the concept of nonmonogamy]
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And I don't always say this or even think this, but sometimes I just need a couple head rubbings and my back scratched a little and be told in a serious but soothing voice "oh, baby, it's going to be alright, you're going to be just fine" or some variation. It needs to be said with enough understanding so as not to trivialize the difficulty of the situation, but also with enough conviction that for a few moments I can just float temporarily into the future and put down the weight of the world off my back. [June 2002]


I don't like how I get busy and stressed in the middle of a period where I've been emotionally exposing myself more often than not and I get extremely upsettingly.....fragile. I hate feeling like I can't pull myself together.
[also from June 2002 -- unfortunately, I didn't write privately in more detail what was going on with me, so I have no idea what I was talking about at the time.]

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I have to trust someone to have sex with them. That doesn't mean I can't/won't have sex with strangers -- it's more about my pattern of trust. I give someone 100% of my trust when I first meet them, and then just wait for things to fall out of their mouth that will change how much I'm willing to give. It also explains why I can spill my guts to a stranger, but might have a harder time sharing intimate details with someone who's known me a long time. Perhaps some small encounter with them cause me to lose a small amount of trust on one specific issue, which is relatively nothing.

Sex without trust is hard. I suddenly experience all these new strong feelings like nervousness, extreme self-consciousness, discomfort with my body, over sensitivity to touch, and near impotence. I'm unable to move past my psychological hangup and act on any possible sexual desires.

But other times, sometimes a blowjob is just blowjob.
[September 2002]

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Lately I've been obsessed with a strange thought -- whenever I'm sitting and daydreaming, my mind wanders back to it, fixating on it. The idea that every experience that has occured before the present, before this exact moment, is no more or less real than all the experiences that are to follow. The concept of memory versus future experiences and plans. I'm not saying they're both pointless, I'm just thinking they are exactly the same in importance, one is not greater than the other, and when I'm feeling imbalanced is when I put more on one. If I'm dwelling in the past, I feel off, or if I'm wallowing in wasted potential or concern for future actions, I get upset.

I always liked the idea of the only conrete knowledge we have of time and space is "now" and "here". Everything is completely and absolutely relative with no static beginning or ending that we know or experience. It's fucking scary but I love it. It doesn't make me feel like life is pointless -- it just reminds me that I take things way to fucking seriously for someone who's pretty damn clueless. I obviously can't live in this large state for too long because who would do my laundry and bathe and feed me and where would the money to do these things come from?

So oftentimes I feel like the universe is humoring me: here, boy, go work on these little projects to occupy your time so that your brain doesn't explode from the sheer expansion of the universe.

And actually it's sort of comforting.
[September 2002]

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[on a post about ways to call in sick to work -- I'm just posting this because it cracked me up.]

I sometimes call in with migraines. Migraines sound sexy and exciting in the world of illness. Don't turn on the light! My vision is blurring! Why is the pain only on one side of my head? In real life, migraines are extremely unsexy. But they sound scary and mysterious to other people who don't have them. I never fake migraines. I don't have to, since I actually get them. But sometimes I could probably sleep them off in the morning and come to work in the afternoon, but I never go to work in the afternoon, so I end up feeling like I'm faking.
[December 2002]




A long time ago I was actually very very quiet.
[March 2003]

Comments

[nineinchlovely.livejournal.com]

you almost got me into trouble...that migraines as seemingly sexy comment almost made me guffaw in the computer lab.

Are you up to anything tonight, say around..9:30 or something? Kathy, Dale, and I are going to be moving Kathy's sister Liz into her apartment from NYC. Want to help? (or rather.. could you please?) [I also ended up with your Gloria Estefan Mi Tierra album that I really ought to return to you..]

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

"The World Is A Ghetto" -- War

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Wonder when I'll find paradise
Somewhere there's a home sweet and nice
Wonder if I'll find happiness
Never give it up now I guess

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

Don't say "ghetto" when you mean "cheap". Just say cheap. Or shoddy. Or craptastic. Also, don't call anything hip-hop related "ghetto", or worse, "ghetto fabulous". Don't call anything criminally-related "ghetto". In general, just stick to using ghetto as a noun and never an adjective. And if you don't or have never lived in one, perhaps it's just best to keep the word out of your mouth all together.

thankyou!thankyou!thankyou!

while we're at it, can we also do away with "white trash"? it bothers me quite a bit that we need to specify that this "trash" is "white" since the implication is that trash is otherwise, until further notice, people of color.

[magdalene1.livejournal.com]

Word on your sensational, accurational, lexicational imperative.

I really like your writing and have been grateful and entertained by this glimpse into your big juicy brain.

[vfc.livejournal.com]

it bothers me quite a bit that we need to specify that this "trash" is "white" since the implication is that trash is otherwise, until further notice, people of color.

Ugh. "White trash" and "trailer trash" bug me for both the reason you mention and for the implication that poorer people (or people in general) are trash unless they prove themselves somehow to their "betters." Yuck, yuck, yuck.

[kisha.livejournal.com]

Ray, I need to make a t-shirt out of your "Ghetto" statement, and wear it everyday. Maybe at least one person will read it AND get it.

This one girl in my class used the words, "ghetto", "gay", and "retard" in the same sentence once. I was like, wow.

[wearemany.livejournal.com]

i'm oddly glad you brought up ghetto because i kept meaning to call you from palm springs (which some, of course, would call a gay ghetto -- you don't begin to touch here on that type of use) to talk to you about them. uh, i mean, because. having witnessed this rant in person on more than one occasion, i apparently consider ghetto synonymous with ray.

but mostly i was reading this book and it sparked this very bright memory of having read something, i'm assuming something like isaac beshavis singer, at a very young age, and that for a long time i understood ghettos only in their eastern european context, and that because i was young and impressionable, i think i had conflated them with some image of concentration camps. so in my mind it was like ghettos in warsaw were, i don't know. holding pens for auschwitz or something. in between you had to ride in a boxcar. i wish i could remember the first time i heard the word used to describe urban american settings, because i imagine i must have been very confused and likely very concerned for anyone who had to live in them.

now i'm just off in my own world of musings about self-impossed ghettos and whether the kind of forced community that would exist when everyone got locked in at night was actually as rich and nourishing as some memoirs describe it or whether that congealed kind of second-class status was too heavy to be anything but dehumanizing.

also i realize i have no idea. is it ghettos? or ghettoes? help me, raybear, you're my only hope.

[cocolola.livejournal.com]

Ugh! I hate when people say ghetto, especially the kind of wanna-be urban cool M.C. whiteys I complain about all the time. I'm going to have to carry extra shoes in my purses this summer, at the rate my crankiness is going.
And I hate "white trash" too.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I'm also quite bothered by the phrase "white trash" -- and I never thought about the aspect of having to clarify that it's "white" versus regular trash. It reminds me of the linguistic term that I've forgotten the name of, where one includes adjectives that reveal internal assumptions about a category. For example, phrases like "female doctor" or "male prostitute" may seem to just be describing a person, but really they imply that your brain deems the category of 'doctor' as having a male standard and 'prostitute' having a female standard.

I sometimes like to flip it and add "white" as an adjective when I'm randomly telling a story. You know how white people will be telling some anecdote and they'll be like "than this this black cashier comes up top me and gives me attitude...." and I'm like why do you have to say his race? and they usually get defensive and say, "well he was black! I'm just saying!" So I like to counter act by telling stories and point out the fact that the person is white. My favorite is the phrase "white motherfucker". Then when someone says "why do you mention their race?", I'll say, 'well, he was white.'

[raybear.livejournal.com]

i apparently consider ghetto synonymous with ray.

hmmmm....not sure how I feel about this. ;)

also, Miss Webster is here to tell you it's EITHER ghettos or ghettoes, though the former "no e" version is listed first which generally means it's more common. so there you go.

xo

[katemosey.livejournal.com]

There's an old riddle about that doctor thingy you said which really spells out people's assumption that a doctor is inherently male.
A young man and his father get into a car crash. The father is declared dead at the scene. The young man is barely alive when they rush him to the emergency room. In the OR, the old surgeon looks at the young man and says, "I can't operate on the man because he is my son."

How can this be?

Of course, the answer is that the surgeon is his mother. But you would be surprised how many people that riddle completely stumps ...

Have you ever noticed that if you say phrases like, "the mayor, my boss, the president of the company ... etc ..." people will almost always assume those power positions are held my men -- white men.

Grrrr.....

[katemosey.livejournal.com]

This one girl in my class used the words, "ghetto", "gay", and "retard" in the same sentence once. I was like, wow.

Amazing! She should get a medal for that. A medal that says, "ignorant asshole at large."

I'm SO sick of the word "gay."
I interview teenagers on a fairly regular basis and they love that word. When I point out that it really is an inflamatory thing to say, they usually get offended and say, "I don't have anything against gay people!! It just means that something is lame ... that's all."

I'd like to point out sometime that if they substituted the word "wetback" for the word "gay" ... "Oh my god, that's SO wetback," -- they'd get their ass kicked, and the tired excuse of, "I don't have anything against Mexicans -- it just means lame!" wouldn't really save them.

UGH ... OK, done with my tirade now. ;)

[raybear.livejournal.com]

I got this comment in my e-mail box this morning! And I was even in the quasi-neighborhood! I went to Stargaze to watch the drag king show. And I actually wish I had left earlier because some of the performances were lacking, so an excuse would have been nice.

Next time, call my cell phone for my manual services. I mean, manual labor services.

P.S. Today's Thursday -- does that mean your done? CONGRATULATIONS!!

[herownsociety.livejournal.com]

the word 'lame' is even offensive, however, because it used to simply mean disabled, especially in regards to walking. only now it's seen as acceptable to use it (even more so than 'gay' among teens) to refer to something that's unpleasant, upsetting, or just plain sucks.

oh, the trouble we have in this non-PC/PC/anti-PC world...

it's also interesting to look at what terms we use (ie: lame) that no one bats an eye at vs. what never flies (ie: white folks using the 'n' word). i heard someone say not too long ago that fat suits are the new black face in hollywood (in regards to movies like shallow hal)... it bewilders me what is ok to ridicule and what words slide under our radar vs. that which isn't ok and/or is immediately picked up.

[herownsociety.livejournal.com]

"comes up... top me... and gives me attitude..."

hmmm... anyone else see anything subliminal happening in this sentence...? ;)

[raybear.livejournal.com]

The other day I found myself saying the word "gypped" which was totally taught to me as an okay word to mean denied or cheated or whatever, and it wasn't until only a couple years ago I put together the whole connection of it being a derogatory slur against Gypsies.

Past discussions with limenal have made me think a lot about our (society) constant use of the word "crazy" and how that fits into our ideas of mental illness and the realities. With both 'lame' and 'crazy', I admittedly still use them but try to at least be aware of possible connotations and what I'm really saying.

[milosh.livejournal.com]

several notes in one:

-thank you
-i strongly dislike most (all?) of the words previously mentioned, as well, though it is rather difficult to have productive conversations with some people about the problems with a term as allegedly harmless as "lame." but i try.
-i have been qualifying people as "white" a whole lot lately. it's quite fun :P
-i miss you and need to actually read your lj and/or actually email you and/or actually call you. doh.

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

Haha I get so uptight when people use factoid wrong. Also, I've been working on "ghetto" so long that now it's like, one more thing you can't say around Sarah. I'm not sure it's that helpful. I do, however, enjoy teasing my cousins and sisters when they use the word "gay." Reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Jimbo et al. catch Nelson kissing Lisa. "Ew! You kissed a girl! That's so gay!"

brief rant on my big gay life

[ex-fish.livejournal.com]

I came out in college, essentially, but definitely after I had moved away from my small rural high school. Two of my better friends from aforementioned "White Bread America" high school and I got together some two - two and a half years later when I had evolved into the flaming lesbian that I am today and being the walking stereotype I can be, they knew I was gay (plus I'd told them about two two and a half years earlier). In a conversation (which took place in the cab of a pickup but that's not relevant), one of them described three things as gay in as many minutes and in frustration, I yelped "I'm sitting right HERE" and they both assured me that they didn't mean me, it was just a phrase, and I said, as I always say to my three brothers and the rest of the world "So what you're saying is [the previously referred to as gay items] were fabulous and rainbow-y and made you happy to be in the world?" And they said, almost collectively, "You wouldn't understand, It's just a straight thing. You don't get it because you're gay."

Yes, I see their logic. I wonder why they haven't heard from me again.