We make our own choices, we pay our own prices -- I think we're more alike than you care to admit.

[raybear]

I was struck moments ago with this overwhelming feeling that lately on this journal I'm this extremely negative person who whines a lot in a desperate bid for attention. Okay, it wasn't really that extreme (nor do I think that's true....at least I hope not). It's more that the motivation to update on my journal comes at moments of casual purging about various cranky things in my life.

Someone this morning said, "what the hell is going on with you? I can't tell from your journal." This was more a testament to us not getting a chance to talk for more than two minutes in the past month, but I couldn't help but keep her words floating in my head, especially since I seem to be having more livejournal miscommunications in the past week. Not enough being said or reading between the lines that misconstrues points and it's important lesson-learning in the area of realizing you can't control how people think of you, but it still makes me weary at times. Especially when it's my own fault because I'm being sloppy with my words and throwing them together as half-compeleted thoughts and ideas that don't really mean anything to me, or at least don't mean more than any other casual comment that breezes through my head and certainly doesn't mean as much as the ideas I actually act on and feel. This is what happens when I'm unfocused and distracted and stressed in small amounts. I think, in large amounts, I can pull it together fairly well and be somewhat articulate in the madness. But when it comes to just being worn down by daily grind, I'm messy and unintentional and often short-sighted and sometimes even narcissistic.

Things really aren't that bad. I promise. And yeah, everything will get done and I know that.

In the meantime, I need to eat better. I swear, when I feel moody and crappy, I crave and eat crappy food (does velveeta even qualify as food?) and then I feel worse. No hot dogs for dinner tonight for me.

Comments

[katemosey.livejournal.com]

ooooh ooooh ooooh !!!

I LUV "Bound." 1 of my favorite movies.

[katemosey.livejournal.com]

Also, aren't all of these diaries with the exception of a few here to help us sort out the random thoughts we have? And I don't think you're narcissistic.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

True, I suppose the nature of this journal is to talk about myself and what I'm thinking or feeling, but a couple times what I've written (or not written clearly enough) has come off as being snarky or critical towards specific others. Though, come to think of it, that's really maybe their problem for assuming everything's about them. :P

I think maybe it's more I'm this feeling I'm being "caught" and somehow have to explain myself, but I'm putting that on my own head.

Bound

[raybear.livejournal.com]

You were SO raised by lesbians.

I love the movie too, for the caper and noir-ish aspects mostly. And I'm in the total minority for preferring Jennifer Tilly. It's a great line of dialogue too, and I use it at very odd and random moments in my life.

Re: Bound

[katemosey.livejournal.com]

You were SO raised by lesbians.

Yup, my mom's the one who told me about it ... too funny.

I just love the fact that I screamed in anticipation when the entire plot unravelled at the end. It's just a great suspense movie.

Re: Bound

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

yuck. relatively it's one of the better lesbian movies, but really...you love it?

Re: Bound

[mintwaster.livejournal.com]

I prefer Jennifer Tilly. Hell, I'll take Meg Tilly.

Re: Bound

[raybear.livejournal.com]

It has amazing cinematography and lots of nods to various noirs and gangster movies I appreciate. I think Tilly and Pantoliano are underrated actors who give great performances. There's a cameo with Susie Bright. The sex scene actually looks like sex (and flips it by having the femme as the fcker). The directors must be pretty talented because they made Gina Gershon appear to be a decent actor, and have you seen her in other movies? She's horrible! Plus, I'm a sucker for capers and heist movies.

So yeah, I'd say I love it. Though at this point in my life I don't think I ever need to see it again -- too many viewings at random late night parties in college.

Re: Bound

[nineinchlovely.livejournal.com]

There are but two things that annoy me about that movie.. The big huge fcking lipquiver...around the time of the tattoo show and tell. ...and the name Corky. Unless you're on Life Goes On, it is not okay.

[thedemonnemo.livejournal.com]

Velveeta IS food, it says right on the package: "Processed Cheese Food".
Cheers, Nemo

Re: Bound

[wearemany.livejournal.com]

of course.

call me on wednesday?

Re: Bound

[katemosey.livejournal.com]

HAHAHHA -- yeah, "corky" was a drawback.

The quiver is really too much.
But it begs the question, what are some movies with well-shot, well-acted sex scenes?
I can't think of any off the top of my head. I kinda liked the one in "the Player" between Tim Robbins and Greta Schacchi.