I still haven't got over it, even now. I want to spend huge amounts of time on my own.

[raybear]

My MFABFF who I now call my MFA-Husband is actually someone else's husband. He and his partner went up to San Fran when they were marrying same-sex couples and they got a license. Then they planned a second ceremony where friends and family could attend, that was basically just a big wedding reception. It was yesterday. I was invited, but didn't go, because it was in Los Angeles and I'm not. But while I was making dinner, my phone, unbeknowest to me, was ringing off the hook. Two calls and a text message, from all my MFA friends who were at the wedding and calling to ask why I wasn't there and say how they miss me, and in the midst of the half-drunken declarations of how much they love Raymond, I admit, I teared up. I miss them too. And wish I was a trust fund baby who could fly out to see them once a month. Even thinking about the message right now is making my heart feel all warm and gushy.

Today I'm having a hard time finding motivation. I haven't really left the bed yet. The laptop with wireless connection is good for both enabling such behavior, but also helping get a tiny bit accomplished while indulging myself. During these moments of freelancer micro-depression (not sadness -- just feeling directionless and ambitionless), I try to tell myself to do at least one thing a day that will help bring money/work my way. So I called the university to follow up on a check I haven't received and I placed an ad on craigslist advertising tutoring services. Now I can finish reading Persepolis and then take a nap and tackle the afternoon later. I really want to go thrift store and used book shopping. That doesn't even require a trust fund, just twenty bucks to go crazy.

Comments

[sharkysmachine.livejournal.com]

I wish I could get on a plane without having a panic attack. Even though I've flown all over the world for years, my parents always had to medicate me. Now I won't even bother. I can't gauge it right and always end up waking up during scary as turbulance. "Potholes on God's highway."

I feel listless. I went to therapy this morning. I went immediately back to bed. I am up now because I have to work on packet two.

I smell bad and I need a shower.

I want to go book shopping with you.

[trooper6.livejournal.com]

I love Everything But The Girl.