I'm driving in my daddy's car, life is aching in my heart

[raybear]

I just listened to a voicemail message from home. It started off with "Today, YOUR dog did....." and then followed with a list of things she's eaten off the table. She has been acting out lots lately in this manner of eating people food off the table (or digging gross things out of the garbage), and feeling really bad about it, because when we come home, rather than an exuberant, desperate pup jumping on us, she has self-crated. Seriously. Its eerie to open the door and nothing is there. You go in the bedroom and she's sitting there in the cage, looking up and waiting for us to say something in a soothing voice. My dog has shame issues. I know why she is acting out. We haven't been on a real walk in over a week. I have been constantly out of the house. And when I'm there, I'm asleep or reclined while icing myslef. She hasn't even gotten a kong-meal in a week. She is bored and restless and feeling unloved. I don't blame her, though it is sort of annoying. At least I know how to fix it and it won't take too much effort.

Also annoying is that one of my favorite co-workers (there's only two really) has been laid off. Not just her, but the entire department she's in. It will now be outsourced to some other company that specializes in office services. Its been a fairly dramatic business here in the office, but for me it just seems like kind of a dumb move for morale, as well as personally mildly annoying to my daily routine.

The back is better, but not great. I went back today and got more vibrating electrodes. The music wasn't as good -- Sting's greatest hits, I believe, and for some reason all I could think about is how miserable vfc would probably be if she was in my place. I'm going back tomorrow for more. What if I become a person addicted to the chiropractor? Oh well. This is maybe only bad if insurance stops paying.

In therapy, today we had to process the fact that I learned over the weekend that a very good friend of mine is also good friends with him. This information has never come up, we have never crossed paths, even though this mutual person has known both of us for 6+ years. It was mostly hilarious and better to learn it the way I did, and not while actually at a party or something. Also, during part of the session he was sort of making a list about things I've been doing, ways that I'm in a much better place that a year ago, even 6 months ago, and he's like "I'm not really into rewards or whatever, but it wouldn't hurt to do something nice for yourself to recognize this and be nice to yourself." Now, I've been trying to move away from monetary/consuming as a reward, or if I do, its more like, hey, I was going to buy a bottle of wine anyway, why don't I try something a little nicer? Or, I need some more lip balm because I'm out and tired of using my pinky finger to apply it and I have no Stevie Nicks coke spoons handy, so why not get a nice kind and not just generic version of chapstick? I was actually doing the latter today, while downtown before work, and then I decided to breeze through Filene's Basement because I maybe need one or two more sweaters at some point this winter, and I'm trying to decide on which style I want. While investivating, on the 40% off clearance rack, I found this. I call it my Congratulations For (Currently) Winning The War Against Depression award.

Comments

[anjibobanji.livejournal.com]

I love this post and I'm so glad you are feeling better.

[magdalene1.livejournal.com]

Our therapist was all in "Reward yourself" mode this week, hee! I was talking about how I'm still not wealthy, but it's been over a year since I've worried where rent is coming from and he asked if I'd done anything to reward myself or celebrate that. Do you also see him on Mondays?

[raybear.livejournal.com]

ha! no, Tuesdays. he does have those cognitive behavioral tendencies, which is probably where it comes from. its hard not to think about dog-training when he uses some of that language, though!

[fuzzilla.livejournal.com]

Ha! I love that shirt.

[vfc.livejournal.com]

Heh. You thought right.

[freakysparks.livejournal.com]

I love it.

[unscrambled.livejournal.com]

perfect self presenting! powerful stuff.

your guy does CBT? this is useful for me to know (because of telling other people about him, nothing about you).

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

omg..i thought you meant a different cbt at first and i thought, "wait, did i miss something in this post!?!?!"

[raybear.livejournal.com]

yes, he tends to be sort of oriented towards CBT but with humanistic approaches too. he also specifically likes couples therapy, which is kind of rare. i mean, i think most therapists say they do it, but not all of them are actively interested and involved in learning how being a couple's therapist is different than being an individual's therapist.

i feel like the mr. cheerful shirt is the counterpoint to my sad robot shirt. i tend to wear the sad robot shirt when i'm in a great mood, so wearing mr. cheerful might actually mean i'm feeling foul.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

only in my dreams.

[unscrambled.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a different kind of therapy.

[dommeyourass.livejournal.com]

haha!