this is my 400th livejournal post.
Oct. 22nd, 2001 10:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearYesterday after posting we spent a lot of time showing each other stacks of pictures from our past. I really need to get mine organized into a book. I also have a lot of pics to throw away. I think I've previously been hesitant to get rid of anything, but I really don't need 6 out-of-focus pics of the dolphins at Sea World from my 6th grade trip there...one picture will suffice.
Then we went to dinner with Br__ & St___ who are quite possibly two of my favorite people in the world. I feel very lucky to have such nice, warm friends who I can also spend excessive amounts of time talking about pop culture and such. Plus, I like the fact that they aren't typical 30somethings. I've used to worry that if I was still buying comtemporary music and seeing more than one movie a month and actually keeping up with various art forms past the age of 25, I'd be some sort of immature freak who is not adult enough to have a regular job or family or whatever. I know that sounds sort of weird, but I'd seen it happen to lots of folks growing up. They get bogged down by time-consuming mind-numbing jobs and perceived obligations and spend all their free time watching sitcoms and only occasionally getting up to mow the lawn or go to the wal-mart. Or, on the other end, I'd see 30somethings who still go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights and get trashed and act horribly and sleep half the weekend to recover from drinking binges. I think this is even sadder. I have no problem with the occasional drunken evening, but as a primary hobby it's depressing.
Anyway, what was I talking about? Ah yes, my friends. I also like their model for a relationship. They're very compatible and spend lots of time together and care about each other a lot, but they still have individual personalities and lives and make their relationship work for them even if it's not the standard or expected.
My boss is super-friendly to me today. I guess it's the weird part about my recent fuck-ups. She wants me to do better, and she knows I can, but she also knows I could just leave if I'm bored, and even though I do fuck-up, I'm still a better employee than some. I don't mean compared to other folks in the office (well, maybe one person), but more compared to the general population of administrative assistant/legal assistant types.
And it's true. I'm overqualified for this job. And most times it doesn't bother me. But then it bothers me that it doesn't bother me. Am I not actualizing my potential or something? I guess that's what I'm working on now....exploring this new career and trying to make it happen. Sometimes I wonder if I have the commitment and discipline to make it happen on my own. I wonder if I should just go back to school and start over that way. Like I need to enroll in some program that has a preordained track for how to get a job. But it's not like I thrived in those environments either -- I tended to be a "fuckup" just so I could be more independent and not necessarily go on the track route. I guess right now is the test of my ability to truly be independent and make things work out the way I want. I wonder if I'll pass.
Then we went to dinner with Br__ & St___ who are quite possibly two of my favorite people in the world. I feel very lucky to have such nice, warm friends who I can also spend excessive amounts of time talking about pop culture and such. Plus, I like the fact that they aren't typical 30somethings. I've used to worry that if I was still buying comtemporary music and seeing more than one movie a month and actually keeping up with various art forms past the age of 25, I'd be some sort of immature freak who is not adult enough to have a regular job or family or whatever. I know that sounds sort of weird, but I'd seen it happen to lots of folks growing up. They get bogged down by time-consuming mind-numbing jobs and perceived obligations and spend all their free time watching sitcoms and only occasionally getting up to mow the lawn or go to the wal-mart. Or, on the other end, I'd see 30somethings who still go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights and get trashed and act horribly and sleep half the weekend to recover from drinking binges. I think this is even sadder. I have no problem with the occasional drunken evening, but as a primary hobby it's depressing.
Anyway, what was I talking about? Ah yes, my friends. I also like their model for a relationship. They're very compatible and spend lots of time together and care about each other a lot, but they still have individual personalities and lives and make their relationship work for them even if it's not the standard or expected.
My boss is super-friendly to me today. I guess it's the weird part about my recent fuck-ups. She wants me to do better, and she knows I can, but she also knows I could just leave if I'm bored, and even though I do fuck-up, I'm still a better employee than some. I don't mean compared to other folks in the office (well, maybe one person), but more compared to the general population of administrative assistant/legal assistant types.
And it's true. I'm overqualified for this job. And most times it doesn't bother me. But then it bothers me that it doesn't bother me. Am I not actualizing my potential or something? I guess that's what I'm working on now....exploring this new career and trying to make it happen. Sometimes I wonder if I have the commitment and discipline to make it happen on my own. I wonder if I should just go back to school and start over that way. Like I need to enroll in some program that has a preordained track for how to get a job. But it's not like I thrived in those environments either -- I tended to be a "fuckup" just so I could be more independent and not necessarily go on the track route. I guess right now is the test of my ability to truly be independent and make things work out the way I want. I wonder if I'll pass.
