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raybear[take two -- the last entry just got erased. argh.]
Thanks to folks who answered my poll yesterday -- though I'm concerned about the number of people who seem unsure about the existence of G-d. I hope you will all see the error of your ways and accept Madonna into your heart as your personal saviour before it's too late.
So I had this weird dream last night that involved me going to Mexico for 3-4 days on some sort of school/church trip. Except I had to go to school still, so I was flying back and forth between Mexico every day, and almost missed my plane one day because class ran late. I had to go to the airport without my luggage because there was no time. MelRo was on the trip and we were sharing a hotel room, and I remember clothes being everywhere and suitcases open, and I was telling her about how I almost missed the flight, when these two guys I went to middle school with showed up. I had run into them earlier on my way to the airport and they recognized me, which is fairly ridiculous since we weren't even friends and I don't exactly look the same. They didn't seem to know I was trans, but kept calling me by my last name. They came into the hotel room unannounced and I was lying on the bed with short and no shirt, so I was doing the arm-crossing move to cover my chest. They didn't notice, and just teased me about my boxers, and then proceeded to drop their pants and show off their underwear. It was very....7th grade. On the trip was this girl who I was friends with and I liked, but she had a crush on me. I tried to be nice about how I didn't like her that way, and tried to hook her up with various other folks on the trip because she was looking to "get some". On the last night we were talking in the middle of the night and everyone else was asleep -- we were in this gymnasium, it was a lock-in sort of feel -- and she was really upset because she had been turned down by everyone and she felt really angry, and I got this impression perhaps she was ill, because she wasn't very attractive but it seemed related to physical manifestations of an illness. Like she was sort of heavyset, and was convinced people she was unattractive because she was "fat", which I didn't think was true but I was noticing her hair was also falling out in a weird balding pattern (she had long red curly hair and was almost bald on the top because it was so thin) and there was some sort of inflammation of parts of her skin. I remember feeling really bad for her, and then also feeling like an asshole for being shallow. Then while she was talking to me, I suddenly realized I WAS attracted to her and wanted to have sex with her, but wasn't sure if she would, since I had previously turned her down. I also didn't want to think it was out of some sort of "pity", because I was really really atracted to her and wanted to touch her. I don't think anything happened -- I was frustrated because I kept trying to find a place to be alone but we kept running into people.
Then in the next part of the dream I was at a store and ran into this group of gay men, and one of them was this guy John (who I met at Bon Foster and e-mailed last week) except the guy in the dream looked NOTHING like John. And they were teasing him about his tendency to get really fucked up and high and have conversations with people in bars and then not remember them the next day. I asked John if he remembered me and said no, and showed me where he had shot up heroin the night before which is why he didn't remember me. But he did send the e-mail the next day when sober and still wanted to have a drink with me. I was unsure about going out with a junkie (he was really fucked up).
Hmm. The most frustrating part of the dream was running to catch the plane. Probably related to my workday yesterday, which was typical high-stress brief-due day, and was capped off by me running to the post office at 5:50 pm to make sure the box of briefs was postmarked by 10/30 and they closed at 6pm. Literally running. With a box. Who am I, OJ Simpson from the Hertz commercials??
Tonight I work the house party of the wealthy, reading tarot cards with my big gay feather boa.
And Cat___ just called me -- dammnt! We have tentative plans for Sunday afternoon which I'm trying to figure out how to get out of. Alternately, I can hang out with her and plan on seeing a movie, which doesn't involve much talking. Maybe I need to do a reading on myself to figure out how to deal with this....
Thanks to folks who answered my poll yesterday -- though I'm concerned about the number of people who seem unsure about the existence of G-d. I hope you will all see the error of your ways and accept Madonna into your heart as your personal saviour before it's too late.
So I had this weird dream last night that involved me going to Mexico for 3-4 days on some sort of school/church trip. Except I had to go to school still, so I was flying back and forth between Mexico every day, and almost missed my plane one day because class ran late. I had to go to the airport without my luggage because there was no time. MelRo was on the trip and we were sharing a hotel room, and I remember clothes being everywhere and suitcases open, and I was telling her about how I almost missed the flight, when these two guys I went to middle school with showed up. I had run into them earlier on my way to the airport and they recognized me, which is fairly ridiculous since we weren't even friends and I don't exactly look the same. They didn't seem to know I was trans, but kept calling me by my last name. They came into the hotel room unannounced and I was lying on the bed with short and no shirt, so I was doing the arm-crossing move to cover my chest. They didn't notice, and just teased me about my boxers, and then proceeded to drop their pants and show off their underwear. It was very....7th grade. On the trip was this girl who I was friends with and I liked, but she had a crush on me. I tried to be nice about how I didn't like her that way, and tried to hook her up with various other folks on the trip because she was looking to "get some". On the last night we were talking in the middle of the night and everyone else was asleep -- we were in this gymnasium, it was a lock-in sort of feel -- and she was really upset because she had been turned down by everyone and she felt really angry, and I got this impression perhaps she was ill, because she wasn't very attractive but it seemed related to physical manifestations of an illness. Like she was sort of heavyset, and was convinced people she was unattractive because she was "fat", which I didn't think was true but I was noticing her hair was also falling out in a weird balding pattern (she had long red curly hair and was almost bald on the top because it was so thin) and there was some sort of inflammation of parts of her skin. I remember feeling really bad for her, and then also feeling like an asshole for being shallow. Then while she was talking to me, I suddenly realized I WAS attracted to her and wanted to have sex with her, but wasn't sure if she would, since I had previously turned her down. I also didn't want to think it was out of some sort of "pity", because I was really really atracted to her and wanted to touch her. I don't think anything happened -- I was frustrated because I kept trying to find a place to be alone but we kept running into people.
Then in the next part of the dream I was at a store and ran into this group of gay men, and one of them was this guy John (who I met at Bon Foster and e-mailed last week) except the guy in the dream looked NOTHING like John. And they were teasing him about his tendency to get really fucked up and high and have conversations with people in bars and then not remember them the next day. I asked John if he remembered me and said no, and showed me where he had shot up heroin the night before which is why he didn't remember me. But he did send the e-mail the next day when sober and still wanted to have a drink with me. I was unsure about going out with a junkie (he was really fucked up).
Hmm. The most frustrating part of the dream was running to catch the plane. Probably related to my workday yesterday, which was typical high-stress brief-due day, and was capped off by me running to the post office at 5:50 pm to make sure the box of briefs was postmarked by 10/30 and they closed at 6pm. Literally running. With a box. Who am I, OJ Simpson from the Hertz commercials??
Tonight I work the house party of the wealthy, reading tarot cards with my big gay feather boa.
And Cat___ just called me -- dammnt! We have tentative plans for Sunday afternoon which I'm trying to figure out how to get out of. Alternately, I can hang out with her and plan on seeing a movie, which doesn't involve much talking. Maybe I need to do a reading on myself to figure out how to deal with this....
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no subject
Date: 2001-10-31 12:45 pm (UTC)you know, I'm *STILL* having that freaky pharoh/snake dream. it never changes. Except that sometimes I'll be wearing different cloths or I'll be on the other side of the bed. or a different snake will be in charge. STRANGE. The minor material details change but the action is the same and so is the dialogue. bizarre.
have fun with the reading and the boa tonight,
Joe
PS: random ES question--what are your rules (do you have rules) on fluid bonding? I'm kinda in need of a new perspective would you mind dropping me an email about that? please? thanks.
no subject
Date: 2001-10-31 01:17 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2001-10-31 01:41 pm (UTC)thank you so much
pojo
no subject
Date: 2001-10-31 02:36 pm (UTC)