What is this, buttercream?

[raybear]

freakysparks was kind enough to take time and escort me through the store and consult my sweater buying. I might not have had the courage to buy that fitted turtleneck fag sweater had she not been there to compliment the color and help me judge the sizing -- I sometimes lose confidence while shopping because I can't deal with things not fitting and making me look unattractive. My dear old friend, body issues. Which is partly why I was horrified when my doctor made a joke yesterday about it's good that I skipped lunch so they could get an accurate cholesterol count and "that will help with the weight loss". Excuse me, but could we not have the medical profession encouraging anorexia among those with pre-existing body issues, namely queer and/or trans folks? thanks. Anyway, the shopping trip was a success, and I finally got around to using that birthday money my parents sent me in June. I mean, the actualy money they sent is long gone, but it was used for such things as the electric bill and a plane ticket to Vermont, because of my budgeting problems. But I feel compelled to rationalize things. And now I'll look all snazzy for the holidays.

I ate my pot pie at like 10:30 because I was so hungry. Then I decided to not eat an official lunch, since Sparky was kind enough to bring me a Krispey Kreme doughnut! Yum. Then my co-worker brought in this tray of sugar cookies -- the big doughy kind that are soft and almost underdone, and they had icing on top with red and green sprinkles. I ate one and nearly went into sugar shock. But I'm ok now.

Also, I did cancel my therapy appointment and rescheduled for Tuesday.
Note to self.
Don't forget.
Thanks,
Self.

I've been wholly unproductive today. Big surprise. And in an hour and half I'm going home. It will still be daylight -- that makes me very chipper.

I had dreams last night about my UPs package coming today. Then I got to work this morning, and it was sitting in my chair. It's not really psychic, since it must have gotten delivered yesterday after I left for the doctor. And I have been tracking the package, so I knew it would come soon. It was more just annoying to spend my dream time on something so inane.

Anyway, in general I'm still feeling sad, but I'm just not paralyzed or beating myself up about things. Like I'm experiencing sadness in manageable quantities. How unique.

But I am not a unique and beautiful snowflake.

And I am not my fcking khakis.

Though I still like the new pair I purchased today.


P.S. I e-mailed my parents the photo from the previous entry.

Comments

[hissyfit.livejournal.com]

mmm... fag sweater... i love those.

my (hot) friend chelsea and i call those "sexy man" sweaters. it stems from this hot guy named greg that we went to highschool with. he wore one; it was black. we could also have called it an "emo sweater", cause greg was way emo, but we didn't. *laugh* anyway... i think every man should have one.

p.s. i don't think that you need to loose weight. i think you're cute. :) you're cuddlysoft. i love it.

[daddysambiguity.livejournal.com]

" Excuse me, but could we not have the medical profession encouraging anorexia among those with pre-existing body issues, namely queer and/or trans folks? thanks."

I totally agree. My shrink who knows I have eating/body issues suggested weight watchers. I'm like, you insane nut bitch. I weight 115 fucking pounds, I feel obese, and you wanna tell me to hit weight watchers?

Surely medical profssionals are so stupid are they?

PS-I love your taste in music :)

Re:

[hissyfit.livejournal.com]

i went to this shrink for medication for my depression, and she suggested this other medicine that she has used to lose weight for me. it was really an anxiety medication, but she had misused it. and she told me aobut it! i was shocked. we went through my family doctor instead.