raybear | I'd die here alone, only daughter.....I'd die here alone, like a lamb to slaughter

It's funny how something completely unrelated will finally motivate me to call up an old friend I've been trying to call for 2 weeks. Last night while pouting over something minor, I did just that. Of course, she wasn't home. But shortly after, she called back, and we chatted for almost an hour and a half. It was almost like hanging out with her on xmas day, our usual M.O. I had a fabulous time chatting and making jokes and catching up and gossiping and cracking on random people, including my brother. I told her about the bizarre disowning letter again, including his lame-ass letterhead that included "USA" in his address. Who does that? Then she told me about how she sent him a college graduation announcement a couple years ago, just as a way of dropping him a line. And he sent her a check for $25. Who is he, her dad? (Perhaps I should have provided the background that they dated years ago, which is how we became friends. Since the breakup years ago, we've become more alike, and my brother has joined a cult of his own. Or something. We're still stunned by his weird libertarian bullshit. We generally hang out when we're both home in Atlanta and need a break -- you may remember her from posts around xmas last year.....Anyway....)

And she told me about my mom. I'm still sort of digesting it. I kept wanting to talk about it last night with MelRo, but I couldn't get past just replaying her words in my head, much less saying them aloud, then offering commentary and emotional response. I still can't do the latter. But here's my attempt to do the former, for posterity's sake, what I'm replaying most.

My grandmother has apparantly been pretty sick. No one's told me this. I'm sure this is worrying and upsetting my mother, and she also mentioned being worried about my mom beacuse she seemed isolated and shut-in. She retired from teaching, so we're not sure how she's even spending her time these days.

My mother mentioned something vague about them seeing a possible therapist. Something along the lines of "there's someone we see when we need it". She didn't ask for more details, so I'm not really sure what that means. I said I'm glad they've gone to see someone, but worry about the inconsistency, as well as the not-knowing who they're going to for help. Perhaps some weird trans-phobic nonprofessional person?

My mother said the aspect that sort of most upsets her is that I never told them about this at any time -- she mentioned that they "could have done something". She then told my friend that she knows that they "never talk in this family", and that my dad had a father who was never around, so he didn't know how to be a father either, etc....and that we never talk about anything. But that she gets most upset when thinking about me not telling them about it until so late in the game.

But, my mother also said that she thinks I've been doing a good job on my end, that I've given them information and that I've been really patient and admitted that they are the ones who are having problems. This was really good for me to hear. I told my friend that pretty much the only thing sustaining me in persisting to reach out to them was my martyr complex. And that part of me wondered if the information I shared with them made them more angry, or that they blamed me for HOW I was going about things.

She mentioned feeling scared about seeing me and the changes....and feeling guilty about not contacting me. My friend reassured her that at least they didn't respond the way my brother did, which is good. I think that's about it. Or all I remember. Which is probably most of it. Oh, she mentioned Melanie and that she was glad that I was happy and that I have her. My friend was impressed that I told my mom about Melanie. I said that they may have freaked out about me having a girlfriend before, but now it practically normalizes me, so I decided to just not hold back on any information about my life. Obviously I don't go into great detail, but they know about lots of stuff generally, even my possible career-change. They've said before they don't like surprises.

So yeah. I guess I'll have something to talk about when my therapist calls on Thursday.