you don't have to call, it's okay girl.
Mar. 6th, 2002 10:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearToday I'm supposed to approach my "to-do" list as if I'm on a safari, because I'm craving adventures and explorations, but the real world is calling. According to my horoscope, at least. So far, it's been a little slow. I feel sorta hungover today, which is bizarre considering I didn't drink last night. Not even nyquil. Or Wal-quil, or whatever the store brand is called.
That song yesterday is by Cosy Sheridan. An artist from my folk radio days.
Is it weird that when I recall memories from a certain era, I get a specific taste in my mouth? Not something I can name -- I don't start tasting sweet and sour pork or something specific like that. It's more that I have such clarity of sensory recall that I can relive what the air smelled and tasted like in the apartment and neighborhood and classrooms.
I just realized that my increasing clarity of memories is directly proportional to my increasing recollection of dreams. So the more my brain gets exercised in it's dream state, the easier it is for me to access storage facilities from years and years ago. Including smells, tastes, and even my emotional state. It's almost overwhelming at times -- and tempting to stay in for long periods, but for the most part I don't want to dwell to long in any state of nostalgia or remembrance. I have to tell myself it's okay to keep moving forward.
Ok, that's not what I actually meant to write about in this entry. What I've also been thinking about is how much news in the past few days has read like movie scripts, and how I'm feeling haunted by images in ways I don't usually let "the news" get to me. Everything from the singer from Soul II Soul getting killed by car when trying to escape being arrest, to the man in Santa Barbara who was killed by being set on fire, to the recent suicide of a Sept. 11th survivor (he escaped the tower, but his partner didn't -- he saw him get killed instantly by a piece of falling debris). It's not even the typical "that's so awful" thinking or even "life is so short" attempts to make myself feel better about such gruesome events. Instead I just keep thinking about these people lives, and all the mundane details and all the various connections and what led to certain decisions and what will now follow.
News reports only barely cover what led to events, and for obvious reasons can't reveal what will happen afterwards. So I find myself cosntructing these loose stories -- not really for my own entertainment or even to creat some sort of resolution, but just to take the step back and in an instant, see everything. Then I can turn on myself and just see myself. Hopefully without judgement, and with an objective sense of what to do next -- not because it right or correct, but because I can.
I'm starting to outthink/overthink myself here. Time to climb in the jeep with Hemingway and go after my piles of paper.
That song yesterday is by Cosy Sheridan. An artist from my folk radio days.
Is it weird that when I recall memories from a certain era, I get a specific taste in my mouth? Not something I can name -- I don't start tasting sweet and sour pork or something specific like that. It's more that I have such clarity of sensory recall that I can relive what the air smelled and tasted like in the apartment and neighborhood and classrooms.
I just realized that my increasing clarity of memories is directly proportional to my increasing recollection of dreams. So the more my brain gets exercised in it's dream state, the easier it is for me to access storage facilities from years and years ago. Including smells, tastes, and even my emotional state. It's almost overwhelming at times -- and tempting to stay in for long periods, but for the most part I don't want to dwell to long in any state of nostalgia or remembrance. I have to tell myself it's okay to keep moving forward.
Ok, that's not what I actually meant to write about in this entry. What I've also been thinking about is how much news in the past few days has read like movie scripts, and how I'm feeling haunted by images in ways I don't usually let "the news" get to me. Everything from the singer from Soul II Soul getting killed by car when trying to escape being arrest, to the man in Santa Barbara who was killed by being set on fire, to the recent suicide of a Sept. 11th survivor (he escaped the tower, but his partner didn't -- he saw him get killed instantly by a piece of falling debris). It's not even the typical "that's so awful" thinking or even "life is so short" attempts to make myself feel better about such gruesome events. Instead I just keep thinking about these people lives, and all the mundane details and all the various connections and what led to certain decisions and what will now follow.
News reports only barely cover what led to events, and for obvious reasons can't reveal what will happen afterwards. So I find myself cosntructing these loose stories -- not really for my own entertainment or even to creat some sort of resolution, but just to take the step back and in an instant, see everything. Then I can turn on myself and just see myself. Hopefully without judgement, and with an objective sense of what to do next -- not because it right or correct, but because I can.
I'm starting to outthink/overthink myself here. Time to climb in the jeep with Hemingway and go after my piles of paper.
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Date: 2002-03-06 12:04 pm (UTC)i was thinking today about that whole crematorium thing in Georgia, along the same lines...
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Date: 2002-03-07 12:33 am (UTC)oh, and i miss and love you too, baby. you don't have to call, but you should anyway. :) evil people are trying to seduce me to Chicago for, um. yes. more puppies. but i want to come for you!