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[personal profile] raybear
I'm very excited to welcome back to the show, [livejournal.com profile] limenal! Unfortunately, we're taking the show on the road this weekend, but we'll be back on Sunday. And by we, I mean the royal we.

I have very little exciting to write about or comment or make not of. The trip to the airport was successful, including a quick stop at Krispey Kreme. We pretty much came home and went to bed -- the earliest I've been a sleep in a week, I think. And I was very pleased to have another body in bed with me.

I'm 'sneaking' out of work early today to catch my flight. I have to finish the table of authorities for one of the attorneys, and then work the help desk AGAIN. Doing three shifts in one week is annoying as fck, but I've been extremely lucky that all's quiet on the discrimination front.

I think I might be losing weight again. Or I might be losing the weight I put back on around the holidays. It's unclear. I just feel like my body looks different in the mirror, but perhaps things have just moved around. Or maybe just my perception has changed.

There's a possibility I might be getting a hysterectomy sooner rather than later. I talked about it some with my therapist on Wednesday who had talked about it with my doctor. He seemed to imply he'd do whatever was necessary to have my insurance cover it. He's very much a go-to kind of guy, so I feel if we talk about it next appointment, the surgery will get scheduled for the next week. Or at least soon. So I want to be mentally and psychologically prepared, and figure out if I want to go ahead and do this now. It would certainly keep my hormone fluctuations down, and I could be on a lower dose but still see significant progress. But there's something about losing a body part, even an internal organ I'm not planning on using, that's seems strange. Sort of like "there's not turning back now" which is pretty ridiculous thinking, since I haven't had any doubts in almost 2 years. And even before transitioning I never seriously considered bearing kids. In fact, I considered it more seriously AFTER deciding to start transitioning. But I can't deal with the possibility of health risks a kid would face because of my hormone treatments, so we're pretty much looking at useless organs that can only be damaged by further holding on. The decision is made in my rational mind, now I just need to be okay with clearing house. I mean, this is somewhat more significant than finally deciding to give away that favorite shirt from 8th grade that's been in the back of the closet. But, then again, maybe not.

Date: 2002-03-22 09:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-fish.livejournal.com
Where are you kids going this weekend?

Date: 2002-03-22 09:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raybear.livejournal.com
And by we, I mean the royal we

aren't you paying attention? it's just me. kid singular, not kids plural.

i'm going to louisville. melro will be home, sitting on IM waiting for you to lavish attention, adoration and praise on her.

Date: 2002-03-22 09:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-fish.livejournal.com
By kids, I meant the royal kids.

I'm not an idiot, after all.

Entertain me, I have to look for several more jobs.

Date: 2002-03-22 09:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raybear.livejournal.com
1) i know you're not an idiot. i'm just a glutton for opportunities to tease you.

2) i would entertain you, but i have to work on a brief and i spent the rest of the week goofing off.

perhaps you should go move at itsyourturn.com -- that might occupy your time for 5 minutes or so.

Date: 2002-03-22 12:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drood.livejournal.com
Is your user ID what comes before -mart and after Robi-? Wanna play something? I'm a huge IYT addict.

Date: 2002-03-22 12:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raybear.livejournal.com
actually my user ID come before -greens and after Robi-. ha.

but YES. i'd love to play a game. i'm especially bad at sabotage, go, and chess (but still like playing them). i love reversi and hate checkers (takes too long). so pick your poison.

Re:

Date: 2002-03-22 01:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-fish.livejournal.com
I hope you don't really think that I work hard at itsyourturn to take five minutes.

I play for the company.. well, that and the excitement of crushing your girlfriend's feeble spirit.

Date: 2002-03-22 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wearemany.livejournal.com
hey baby. you know this, but if you want to talk more about decision-type-stuff, you know where to find me. all of us.

you know the fantasync is called The Royal We?

xoxox.

Date: 2002-03-22 09:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brothernumber3.livejournal.com
wow, big decisions

that seems so far away
i've put so much energy into planning for top surgery
and such...

the thing for me is i've always wanted to have little people
and i mostly assumed they'd be coming out of me
and i also assume at some point i'll have a hysto
and, i don't know. strange things.
don't know really what to think about it all.

Date: 2002-03-22 09:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raybear.livejournal.com
yeah, i pretty much have been planning top surgery first, hysto way in the future. but then i think, why wait if i have an opportunity to have it covered because i have a doctor who's willing to help me get it done? and then i won't have to worry as much about doctor visits for pap smears, fluctuating hormone levels, possible problems with my dormant organs....

i just wish there was more info out there about the medical affects of hysto on transguys based on WHEN they get it. for the most part, the only "general rule" is the longer you're on hormones, the better it is to get it taken care of.

but if it comes to money, top surgery comes first. but if i can get it for "free" (i'm paying insurance in other ways), i guess i should just maybe do it. hmm.

Date: 2002-03-22 10:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hissyfit.livejournal.com
the hysto is definately something to get taken care of asap. i mean, i'm high-risk for "girl cancers" (meaning cancers of the female organs, apparently) just because i have a high level of androgen naturally being produced. i would imagine the same goes for you, since you're actually increasing your hormone levels on purpose.

have you seen southern comfort? the main character is a trans guy that ends up dying from ovarinan cancer because his doctor told him that a hysto wasn't necessary. given, the movie was made aobut 10 years ago and the man was, like, 65 or 70 when he died... but still...

be safe.

Date: 2002-03-22 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raybear.livejournal.com
yeah, thanks for the reminder. i haven't seen the movie, but i know the premise (and i've wanted to see it).

i know i want to get one eventually, it's just a mtter of now, or next year, or three years from now. chances are, as long as i get it done in the next 10 years or less, i'll be okay. but the longer i put it off, the more time passes without me noticing, etc. etc.

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