I heard the news today, oh boy.
Apr. 15th, 2002 09:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raybearToday I'm wearing shorts. I'm usually the last person to wear shorts, but I often get excited at the beginning of spring/summer. Then by July I'm sporting black jeans.
I don't like the warm weather right now. I mean, I love how wonderful the sun feels on my body and how great everything smells and the general feeling of relaxation and fun that comes with summer. But right now I'm feeling too overwhelmed with weird nostalgia. And re-living past summers. I was sad a lot of last summer, so now the memory of sadness is being brought up. Or past fabulous summers living in Evanston and hanging out late in the evening with a bunch of fun-loving queers or – and it makes me sad that I don't see these people anymore.
I get this way about twice year, when the seasons REALLY change. Spring and fall can be such nebulous times, especially in Chicago. But when it first gets really cold or really hot and I know winter or summer is near, that's when I become overwhelmed. Because then I finally realize time is slipping through my fingers and passing at an astonishing rate. (Then of course I come to work and listen to 'The Drive' on the radio and it's playing stuff like Beatles' A Day In The Life and Joe Cocker and Chicago and other favorites in the 'lite classic rock' genre.)
But nowadays I'm trying to have a more daily understanding of the transitory nature of things. And not holding onto anything too tightly, since nothing is truly static, least of all myself. I don't want to be scared of the memories – it's okay to sink back and re-live experiences temporarily for the sheer joy. But I should also wake up to what's around me, which may prevent me from feeling nostalgic later. I can't help but think nostalgia is some weird extension of regret – regret that things didn't get lived fully and completely, so we look back over-fondly in an attempt to still squeeze something out of the experience.
You know, I guess it's just human nature. No matter what group or community I'm involved in, it never ceases to amaze me when people pull the whole "I'm more ____ than you are." And they do it. A lot.
I'm more Christian than you because I go to more church services.
I'm more academic than you because I study for 8 hours a night.
I'm more gay than you because I've been out longer or I'm out to more people.
I'm more trans than you because I'm on hormones and I've done the legal name change, or I'm more out about being trans.
And the latest addition:
I'm more buddhist than you because I'm more enlightened. I'm more budhhist than you because I meditate for 8 hours a day. I'm more enlightened than you, because I'm talking about how enlightened I am and I feel great! Don't you wish you were me?
I will resist ranting too much because that's wasted energy. Let's just say, if you're really so enlightened, I can't help but think you wouldn't be sitting around talking about how enlightened you are. And I'll just post this instead.
Of all the ways you can think of, none has a sixteenth part of the value of loving-kindness. Loving-kindness is a freedom of the heart which takes in all the ways. It is luminous, shining, blazing forth. Just as the stars have not a sixteenth part of the moon's brilliance, which absorbs them all in its shining light, so loving-kindness absorbs all the other ways with its lustrous splendor. Just as when the rainy season ends and the sun rises up into the clear and cloudless sky, banishing all the dark in its radiant light, and just as at the end of a black night the morning star shines out in glory, so none of the ways you can use to further your spiritual progress has a sixteenth part of the value of loving-kindness. For it absorbs them all, its luminosity shining forth. -Itivuttaka Sutta
I like this passage because so many buddhists are so self-absorbed. I can't be in touch with a buddhism that contradicts my need for social change.
And my horoscope today is also pretty attention-getting (my new substitution for using the word ‘interesting').
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22): Sometimes it really is difficult for you to tell someone when you are hurting or when you are angry. Often you stew in your own feelings and can become resentful in the process. You can break this pattern today. Don't go into "pout" mode. Take a risk and share your hidden feeling
I don't like the warm weather right now. I mean, I love how wonderful the sun feels on my body and how great everything smells and the general feeling of relaxation and fun that comes with summer. But right now I'm feeling too overwhelmed with weird nostalgia. And re-living past summers. I was sad a lot of last summer, so now the memory of sadness is being brought up. Or past fabulous summers living in Evanston and hanging out late in the evening with a bunch of fun-loving queers or – and it makes me sad that I don't see these people anymore.
I get this way about twice year, when the seasons REALLY change. Spring and fall can be such nebulous times, especially in Chicago. But when it first gets really cold or really hot and I know winter or summer is near, that's when I become overwhelmed. Because then I finally realize time is slipping through my fingers and passing at an astonishing rate. (Then of course I come to work and listen to 'The Drive' on the radio and it's playing stuff like Beatles' A Day In The Life and Joe Cocker and Chicago and other favorites in the 'lite classic rock' genre.)
But nowadays I'm trying to have a more daily understanding of the transitory nature of things. And not holding onto anything too tightly, since nothing is truly static, least of all myself. I don't want to be scared of the memories – it's okay to sink back and re-live experiences temporarily for the sheer joy. But I should also wake up to what's around me, which may prevent me from feeling nostalgic later. I can't help but think nostalgia is some weird extension of regret – regret that things didn't get lived fully and completely, so we look back over-fondly in an attempt to still squeeze something out of the experience.
You know, I guess it's just human nature. No matter what group or community I'm involved in, it never ceases to amaze me when people pull the whole "I'm more ____ than you are." And they do it. A lot.
I'm more Christian than you because I go to more church services.
I'm more academic than you because I study for 8 hours a night.
I'm more gay than you because I've been out longer or I'm out to more people.
I'm more trans than you because I'm on hormones and I've done the legal name change, or I'm more out about being trans.
And the latest addition:
I'm more buddhist than you because I'm more enlightened. I'm more budhhist than you because I meditate for 8 hours a day. I'm more enlightened than you, because I'm talking about how enlightened I am and I feel great! Don't you wish you were me?
I will resist ranting too much because that's wasted energy. Let's just say, if you're really so enlightened, I can't help but think you wouldn't be sitting around talking about how enlightened you are. And I'll just post this instead.
Of all the ways you can think of, none has a sixteenth part of the value of loving-kindness. Loving-kindness is a freedom of the heart which takes in all the ways. It is luminous, shining, blazing forth. Just as the stars have not a sixteenth part of the moon's brilliance, which absorbs them all in its shining light, so loving-kindness absorbs all the other ways with its lustrous splendor. Just as when the rainy season ends and the sun rises up into the clear and cloudless sky, banishing all the dark in its radiant light, and just as at the end of a black night the morning star shines out in glory, so none of the ways you can use to further your spiritual progress has a sixteenth part of the value of loving-kindness. For it absorbs them all, its luminosity shining forth. -Itivuttaka Sutta
I like this passage because so many buddhists are so self-absorbed. I can't be in touch with a buddhism that contradicts my need for social change.
And my horoscope today is also pretty attention-getting (my new substitution for using the word ‘interesting').
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22): Sometimes it really is difficult for you to tell someone when you are hurting or when you are angry. Often you stew in your own feelings and can become resentful in the process. You can break this pattern today. Don't go into "pout" mode. Take a risk and share your hidden feeling
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Re: I've been wearing shorts for three weeks now.
Date: 2002-04-15 11:50 am (UTC)No, you haven't told me that today. I don't think you've ever told me that. Unless of course this is
I'm confused. Maybe I should just be flattered, say thank you, and move on about my day.
Re: I've been wearing shorts for three weeks now.
Date: 2002-04-15 11:51 am (UTC)Right, so You're fabulous.. and I'm sure Kate would think so, too.
Re: I've been wearing shorts for three weeks now.
Date: 2002-04-15 11:53 am (UTC)