Pornographic Records: Handle With Care

[raybear]

So I called up Sweet Punk Boy to thank him for calling me and let him know I'm coming to the show. I suddenly got really nervous right before calling him. Why? I don't know him at all. Oh wait, I just answered my own question. So I got his machine and was all thankful, and started to leave a message, than the mthafcker picked up the phone! And he was totally asleep too. So I'm not sure if he just picked up the phone just because, or if he made an exception because it was me. Cause he was super-sleepy and noncommunicative on the phone. We spoke for all of 90 seconds. I said something like "thanks for calling me....I think I'm gonna go to the show....I noticed there's a bunch of performers, I probably won't be there until later, after 6....", and he was like "oh, cause you have to be at work. that's cool." Which is strange since I didn't mention work or whatever. So then I blabbed for a minute when I get home from work and when I'm planning on going to Metro, and he was sorta like, "okay, well then I guess I'll just meet you there since I'm going to try and get there when it starts" and he had this strange tone like....where we planning on dinner first? I'm so confused. Maybe because I knew that objectively his call last night wasn't really much and wasn't trying to make it into a big deal -- not even a friend date. So I just said I'd look for him when I got there. A couple awkward pauses, and I was like, "okay, see you" and he was like "yeah, peace."

So, yeah, I'm a freak for just spending 3 minutes recreating a 90 second moment. I guess that means I think he's cute and want to hang out with him. Or at least talk to him more and find out if hanging out with him would be cool. We probably only talked for about 5 minutes total last week. I'd like to take this moment to compliment myself for the smooth move of giving out my number on my way out the door -- who knew it would actually work?

And now a quick survey for people who date boys. How forward should I be? And should I be explicitly forward (ex. "I'd like to date/fuck you") or flirtatiously forward (ex. "I like your hair" and stand very close to him)? Of course, this is assuming that I find him at the club, chat with him a bit, and manage to hold a semblance of a conversation while also maintaining that he's interested in me in some level (whether it's music or bed related).

It's funny because I have no idea how old he is, what he does, or even if he's gay/queer. Sometimes I even just feel immune to those sexual orientation boundaries. As if somehow can make myself fit into any category no matter how the person identifies. Like if he were to say "oh, I'm straight", would I just go "oh yeah, me too, I live with my girlfriend" and then continue attempts at seduction? Possibly. That seems to work in the movies.

And we all know what's good for porn plot devices is good enough for me.

Comments

except possibly a lesbian...

[wearemany.livejournal.com]

Like if he were to say "oh, I'm straight", would I just go "oh yeah, me too, I live with my girlfriend" and then continue attempts at seduction? Possibly. That seems to work in the movies.

And we all know what's good for porn plot devices is good enough for me.

oh, honey, i do love you so very much. and i'm a big fan of fake it till you make it, including the rip off of porn plot devices for big seduction scenes. someone once made the very valid point to me that most gay men want their lives to look more like porn, and so then it does, and now i apparently think anything is possible. also, it apparently works for Joey, so why shouldn't it work for you?

i feel obliged to point out that if you want to read what is possibly the funniest story ever about nsync (even if it includes the (ug) backstreet boys), you should read Coldhearted:

"Wow," Joey said. "As a straight man, I have to say, there's no way AJ will turn you down."

"Joe," Chris said, "do you know what the word 'overcompensate' means?"

"What?" Joey said. "It's a compliment. I just mean that if even I think he looks hot, and I'm straight, there's no way someone not straight wouldn't want him. Except possibly a lesbian," he added.

"And who were you trying to compliment this morning when you said 'As a straight man, I want some more pancakes'?"

i love how i'm totally spamming your LJ with *nslash. i will at least reward you with the pants!icon.

[archanglrobriel.livejournal.com]

*laugh* Well finding out if he's straight is certainly a good place to start. As for the forwardness thing - depends on what you feel comfortable doing. If you feel like you can be the pursuer (that's the place I'm most comfortable, personally) then go with that. In gay space there's really no such thing as "too forward" that I've seen. It's perfectly acceptable to lean over a table and tell someone "I think you're really hot, and I'd love to fuck you right now."
It's classless as hell, but acceptable.
Hell, Soren went to the naughty movie theater and the clerk there slipped him a "coupon" stating "this coupon entitles the bearer to sit on my face" with his phone number penned at the bottom.
I personally prefer the slower ramp up, shoulder rubs, casual arm contact, chest grab, hip check "hmmm he might be amenable" long flirtation gig. Safer on the ego as well.
And btw, the proper response to a cute boy who says "Oh, I'm straight" is: "Pity." with a sad hint of a smile that seems to say "I can do things to you with my tongue that your girlfriend doesn't even know CAN be done."
Ahem.

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

I personally prefer the slower ramp up, shoulder rubs, casual arm contact, chest grab, hip check "hmmm he might be amenable" long flirtation gig. Safer on the ego as well.

Hah! And more fun. At least in my opinion. I love that thrill every time you make a successful little flirt move. "You're hot, do me" is all well and good, but what about the subtle nuances?

And btw, the proper response to a cute boy who says "Oh, I'm straight" is: "Pity." with a sad hint of a smile that seems to say "I can do things to you with my tongue that your girlfriend doesn't even know CAN be done."

LOL! Fantastic. I may have to switch around the pronouns and use that.

I mean...uh...crap.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Well finding out if he's straight is certainly a good place to start.

I remember after I posted this that I did, after all, meet him at a queer event, so the chances are hopefully very good.

It's classless as hell, but acceptable.
Who needs class when there's sex with a cute boy on the line!

[drood.livejournal.com]

Ah, how suspectible to flattery and flirtation is the male ego. We can't resist it. We eat it up.

We might fantasize about the expediency of porn plot devices, but trust me. The standing close, the soulful look in the eyes, the compliments...they're what we secretly crave.

And then the boom-chicka-boom of the porn soundtrack can kick in.

[raybear.livejournal.com]

Yes, this sounds more like my typical M.O. -- starting off slowly, casually, flirtatiously, longingly....then seal the deal quickly and before there's time to change their mind.

I believe Trina said it best: "Start off slow, and then speed it up. Baby show me what you got, is you a G or what?"