(no subject)

This song has been very applicable to me lately. I don't know exactly why I'm having problems sleeping, but I have an inkling. And I'm having problems negotiating it with my relationship, too. i.e. what to do when there's someone in bed with you.


Wu-Tang Clan f/ Isaac Hayes
I Can't Go to Sleep
Typed by: dj.flash@pobox.com

[Ghostface Killah]
Technique is ill son, watch how I spill one
Peace to Biggie Tupac Big L and Big Pun
Havoc on the streets of Staten, snitches
House n*ggaz children watch as they produce the same pattern
Somebody raped our women, murdered our babies
Hit us with the cracks and guns in the early 80's
FOR THOSE THAT MURDERED ME SHALL STAND BEFORE GOD
TO FALL AT THE HANDS OF FATE, THEN OUT COMES THE ROD
Bring it back, bring it back, bring it back,
bring it back, bring it back.. {*record run backwards*}
What the fuck is goin on? I can't go to sleep
Feds jumpin out they jeeps, I can't go to sleep
Babies with flies on the cheeks, it's hard to go to sleep
Ish bowled two sixes twice, I couldn't go to sleep
Aiyyo we deep in the stairs, we carry (?) guns
(?) got, hit up with the big shit, bam-bam
Stop at the cheeba spot, then pass the leak spot
So past y'all n*ggaz again, you took a cheap shot
Not knowin FUCKIN WITH ME, you get your meat chopped
YOU THOUGHT WE FELL ON OUR FACE? YOU NEED TO BE STOPPED
CALL ON THE CHARIOTS, CALL ON AN AMBULANCE
YOU BETTER SMILE MY N*GGA, YOU ON CANDID CAMERA
Gangsta broad, these be the laws, walk with big balls
N*gga motherfuckin eunuch, I even take which was yours
I'm the n*gga that made you man
When your rap wasn't doin well, I'm the n*gga that gave you a hand!

[Isaac Hayes]
Don't kill your brother, let's love each other
Don't get mad.. cause it ain't that bad
Just be who you are.. you've come so far
It's in your hands, just be a man
Get the jelly out your spine!
Cobwebs, out of your mind [

[RZA]
I can't go to sleep, I can't shut my eyes
They shot the father of his moms, killed him seven times
They shot Malcolm in the chest front of his little seeds
Jesse watched, as they shot King on the balcony
Exported Marcus Garvey cause he tried to spark us
with the knowledge of ourselves, and our forefathers
Ohh Jacqueline you heard the rifle shots cracklin
Her husband head in her hair, you tried to put it back in
AMERICA'S WATCHIN, BLOOD STAINED INK BLOTCHES
MEDGAR TOOK ONE TO THE SKULL FOR INTERGRATING COLLEGE
WHAT'S THE SCIENCE? SOMEBODY? THIS IS TRICK KNOWLEDGE
THEY TRY TO KEEP US ENSLAVED AND STILL SCRAPE FOR DOLLARS
Walkin through Park Hill, drunk as a +FUCK+
Lookin around like, these +DEVILS+, I'm ready to break this world down
They got me trapped up in a metal gate, just stressed out with hate
And just, give me no time to relax, and use my mind to meditate
What should I do? Grab a blunt or a brew?
Grab a two-two and run out there AND PUT THIS FUCKIN VIOLENCE IN YOU?
I can't go to sleep, I can't shut 'em son.. I..

[Isaac Hayes - overlapping RZA at the end]
Don't let the game make you lose your head
You should be callin the shots instead
The power is in your hands..
Stop all this cryin, and be a man

(no subject)

My eyes hurt. I can't wait to go home and take my contacts out.

Tonight I'm going to dinner with friends from out of town. I'm not necessarily looking forward to it, for some reason -- we're going to tapas which is expensice, and I'm feeling very stingy. So that's part of the reason. I think I'd also rather just have some alone/chill time with Melanie. I'm sure that seems weird since we returned 4 days ago from a 5 day trip where we spent every moment together. But the time spent is different. Plus, I've been feeling sort of needy lately. And I'm realy bad about asking for attention when I'm feeling needy. So I end up penning up the energy, then just sort of exploding with upset and hurt feelings. Which is ridiculous, since I"m not dating a psychic who knows everything I'm thinking. I need to work on giving myself permission to ask for things...and the understanding that it's not going to be automatically given to me, but that's ok.

It's Friday afternoon, almost 5 pm. I'm very ready to be done with work.

I haven't heard back from Dave yet. I also wrote e-mails to a couple of other friends who live out-of-town, so perphaps by Monday my inbox will be filled with messages.

Is it weird that I still haven't replied to my brother regarding the whole disowning thing? It's coming up on 2 months. I guess I should still write a note or something. I just so don't want to invest any time or energy towards his punk self. I'd rather make a mixtape.

When will this day end?