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May. 10th, 2001 12:11 pmToday I'm sending off the check for the sound recording course. I hope it'll be worth the money. Luckily, if I get the text in the mail and think it's crap, I can get me money back with 2 weeks. I'm excited about it though.
And in continuing highschoolalumni news, I got another e-mail from a different old friend. Someone I haven't seen at all since graduation. I think I'm so excited to hear from these people because I pretty much managed to disappear when I moved from Atlanta and never looked back. When I came out as gay, that put a damper on me tracking folks down. Now that I'm out as trans, I almost feel like I have less to lose. Or at least, I'm forced to be upfront with it right away, which means 2 things. One, I'm obviously feeling confident about my own identity to out myself upfront and I'm feeling more comfortable with the language surrounding it -- like I have no problem just being matter-of-fact, and even making jokes about it, so that folks will feel more at ease. Two, I don't have to worry about reconnecting with people, investing energy in restoring a relationship, and then have them drop me when I come out as queer. I know that conceviably I could come out as queer in the beginning, the same was I come out as trans, but that can come across as weird sometimes, unless you happen to be in a long term relationship. Then it's sort of easier to be like "I live with my girl/boy-friend" or whatever.
I'm not sure why I obsess about this more with folks who knew me when I was younger (old friends, family, teachers, etc.) -- I don't have the same rules about language with current people. I'm sure part of my prejudice is that I don't give my old friend enough credit. I don't assume that they've probably be having some significant life experiences in the past 6 years as well, and therefore I don't give them the benefit of the doubt. I just sort of assume they're going to be weirded out, for the sake of not letting myself get hurt. Of course, the problem with that is that I set up a dynamic of awkwardness. Like, if I act ashamed, then if gives them permission to be judgmental. But if I"m sort of like "yeah, it's weird, and who'd have thought, but i'm just a boring average person like you...hey did you see that movie last week?" then people are much more at ease with it and the conversation is much smoother. So I'm finally starting to reap rewards from the difficult coming out times of last year! Woo-hoo!
And in continuing highschoolalumni news, I got another e-mail from a different old friend. Someone I haven't seen at all since graduation. I think I'm so excited to hear from these people because I pretty much managed to disappear when I moved from Atlanta and never looked back. When I came out as gay, that put a damper on me tracking folks down. Now that I'm out as trans, I almost feel like I have less to lose. Or at least, I'm forced to be upfront with it right away, which means 2 things. One, I'm obviously feeling confident about my own identity to out myself upfront and I'm feeling more comfortable with the language surrounding it -- like I have no problem just being matter-of-fact, and even making jokes about it, so that folks will feel more at ease. Two, I don't have to worry about reconnecting with people, investing energy in restoring a relationship, and then have them drop me when I come out as queer. I know that conceviably I could come out as queer in the beginning, the same was I come out as trans, but that can come across as weird sometimes, unless you happen to be in a long term relationship. Then it's sort of easier to be like "I live with my girl/boy-friend" or whatever.
I'm not sure why I obsess about this more with folks who knew me when I was younger (old friends, family, teachers, etc.) -- I don't have the same rules about language with current people. I'm sure part of my prejudice is that I don't give my old friend enough credit. I don't assume that they've probably be having some significant life experiences in the past 6 years as well, and therefore I don't give them the benefit of the doubt. I just sort of assume they're going to be weirded out, for the sake of not letting myself get hurt. Of course, the problem with that is that I set up a dynamic of awkwardness. Like, if I act ashamed, then if gives them permission to be judgmental. But if I"m sort of like "yeah, it's weird, and who'd have thought, but i'm just a boring average person like you...hey did you see that movie last week?" then people are much more at ease with it and the conversation is much smoother. So I'm finally starting to reap rewards from the difficult coming out times of last year! Woo-hoo!
