today in visual culture.

I'm experimenting with a new type of journal entry. It's called "found journaling". I'm so clever.

From a great person on my friends page:
But, I've been increasingly aware that 'he' feel right to me in a way that she doesn't. Stiff in its novelty, but right for me.
I've been trying to extract what is fundamental to me about being trans. It is the way I feel in my body. The rest, the way I look and behave and interact with others is peripheral. It can be played with, and manipulated, and messed around to what seems comfortable. I thought that maybe pronouns were like that.. important, but ultimately just another thing I was wearing.
Just as I sometimes feel disconnected from my body when I'm made aware of its femaleness, I am disconnected when people refer to me as she. That person, she seems quite groovy, but you're not talking about me. I'll stick to living in first person, pronoun-free.

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Li___ cancelled on me for tonight and we rescheduled for Tuesday evening. Now I can go home and do laundry. And clean the apartment. Or just go to sleep. It's getting cold, so I just want to snuggle under the covers.

I'm also considering bringing home a suprise tonight....it's big and orange and rhymes with lumpkin. Maybe I can buy some olives while I'm at it.

My therapy session last night went pretty well, and she says I have a much more positive energy going on right now. We also talked about my tendencies to have really low cycles and then come out with a new insight. I don't feel particularly insightful, but I have been more productively analytical about things, I guess. And I haven't overreacted to anything in about 4 days, so that's a pretty good gauge for my mental health. Also, I just e-mail my parents and asked them what they're holiday plans were because I wanted to include them as a factor in my own holiday planning. I don't think I gave any indication that I would definitely see them, but I am still possibly considering seeing them. Probably only if MelRo came along though -- I can't imagine going by myself. Or maybe if they go to Tennessee I'll show up and be long lost cousin Raymond. I would possibly consider going to Mississippi if it was just my parents, aunt and grandmother. Hmm.

Or maybe my parents won't reply for 3 weeks to my e-mail and I'll just make plans without them and say "too bad you're too late."

But for the most part I'm feeling very little anxiety, guilt, shame or fear about the possibility of not seeing them this year. Which is pretty remarkable.

where the hell is everyone?

I manage to get almost 2 hours of work done away from the computer, so I check my e-mail and LJ before leaving the office and I think there are only tumbleweeds blowing through cyberspace right now. No e-mails, no replies, no comments, and no posts.

Ah well. I'm going home anyway, I say. How many times must we tell you?
Don't get caught.
We voted against shooting him on the spot.